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I feel really realllly reallllly tired.
And I dont quite know what to do with myself.
Sometimes I feel too old for my age.
Too tired.
Too jaded.
I've only interviewed people twice in my life.
Once 2 years ago, once just this week.
I don't know if I have grown within these 2 years,
but I think I have changed.
I think more, wonder more, and somehow, am more confused.
There were people who were so... bland, that I can hardly remember them nor know what to make of them.
It was like... no matter what questions I asked, the answers I got were general, generic, normal.
And then I would try to break the monotonous by asking about a life changing moment in their life, but only to find out that there were none.
I used to write these people off, dump their forms into the pile of unsuccessful applicants and that's that.
But now, I feel strangely affected by these people. I wonder if I ever appeared like that to others and how many people out there are like that. Bland, normal, someone who will leave people and places with nothing more than a vague memory that someone (could have been anyone) was there.
And those with no life changing moments to speak of, well, they bore me. We once took in a girl just because of a life story she shared with us. It made her human, left her mark on us. I found her intriging and felt like I want to really know her. If someone had no moments to talk about, then he/she has never felt pain nor sorrow. And that just makes he/she seem less real.
Then there was the rare, occasional idealists. And I wonder if I was ever like that. All about saving the world and believing in dreams.
Sometimes I feel like I talk about the things I do because that's what people want to hear and not because I really give a damn. I hate feeling that way.
I am really rambling and this probably doesn't make any sense.
