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Went on my second trip to Bintan resorts and this time around, I was smart enough to stay in the shade at all times to prevent the pains of sunburnt. Great company and money well spent.If I were ever going to be asked the question - if there's one year in your life you would like to relive again, what would it be?
After 22 years, my answer will undoubtly be 2010.
I've learnt that it is really true that though life must be lived forwards, it can and will only make sense when looking backwards.
My 2010 started out in perhaps the worst way any year in my life has ever started out. My heart was ripped out and stomped upon and for a long while I felt as though I could never really be the same again. Like all physical scars, the pain wore off after a while but the reminders of those falls linger and everytime I see those scars, I can remember how and why they happened.
But now I can say that when life reaches a lowest low, it only means that everything can only go from there.
Either because of the choice of modules or just pure weariness, I started distanting myself from alot of my coursemates. Maybe this was long overdue, afterall our similarities stand few and far between. Or maybe alot of my closer friends have been made through intense shared experiences like SJAB trainings and YEP trips that I can no longer connect with people I don't really have a shared history of sorts with.
Had several SJAB gatherings and they always give me the comfort that friendships made in our younger days are always going to be strong and pure, something which cannot be tainted by time. Our defences can be down and it's as though the years have never really passed.
Had a rather uneventful internship.
Joined a green competition and got first place!
Went on a trip to Taiwan with some club in NUS. Spent my second birthday in a row overseas. Made some close friends but I can say we've more or less lost touch. Maintaining friendships can really be a bitch.
And after 7 semesters of projects, I finally found a project group where everyone pulled their weight and it's amazing what we can achieve. They gave me hope that some people can still be relied upon to actually do work.
By a strange twist of events, I ended up having a lead to YEP team to Laos and I can't remember the occurences that led to me approaching Ivy as my co-leader. Which is by far the second luckiest thing to happen to me this year. I think I lack far too much confidence to be a true leader and I've learnt a LOT of Ivy and couldn't be more grateful I had her by my side.
Planning this trip was really an ordeal and I really wonder why I never experienced any of these in the past trips I've been on, even on Baray. At some point in time, I've reached the stage where I truly regretted agreeing to lead the trip and felt like an extreme failure. I dreaded going on the trip and even sometimes during the trip, I couldn't wait for the entire thing to be over.
And at last it was, and reading the affirmation letters that were written to me touched me completely and thoroughly. I realised that knocking my own walls down and letting out everything I've so desperately try to keep in can be a great relief for myself and also to others. I didn't realise the true impact of what a simple sharing can do.
Everything really fell into place once the trip started. From the appearance of translators to the smooth running of events and the sudden ignition of passion of our team, I really couldn't ask for anything more. And not forgetting the luckiest event of the year when I found the person I believe I've been looking for.
And so, after 5 YEPs, I can truly declare that I am done. At least for now. Volunteering is something I will keep doing and I think a true impact can only truly be made if more time is invested, something which is difficult for projects based overseas. I realised I find more satisfaction in impacting my team members rather than the community overseas.
Cliche as it may be, everything does happen for a reason. And when the reason becomes clear, you'll just be glad to be alive (:
Goodbye 2010. You've a special place in my heart!
