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18 June
Met up with the 26/05 gang at that awesome italian/jap restaurant in liang court (I still can't remember the name, saizariya or something). It's fast becoming my favourite restaurant after NYDC failed me. 5 of us ate tonnes of food and it only came up to $12 each. Did I mention it's awesome?
Ate there, moved on in search of a pub and almost got smothered to death by smoke in the process. Ended up at some pub, found a alcoholic drink that doesn't taste alchoholic (mango martini!), laughed at MY's mini brownie (which is REALLY mini, like bite-size mini), watched some soccer while americans shouted their lungs out when they scored and took the long 12 journey home.
Teresa, MY, Vita, Yen, and I all took 12 home. The back seats kinda felt like a train compartment and these girls I would most certainly not mind travelling with. I love it when you're so comfortable with your friends you can not worry about holding a conversation. So MY and I just snoozed while the rest chatted.
<3
19 June
Mio TV is to the death of me. NEVER EVER GET MIO TV.
Reason #1 - no sense of time
The Mio was supposed to be set up at 4-6pm. They called and asked to come at 9am .
Reason #2 - hopeless service staff
They dont even know what their job scope is. The package I signed up for consist of the TV, the internet and the phone line. They first asked me if I ordered for the internet. Then they ask me why I already have a modem (-_- seriously, who doesn't have a modem at home. TO SURF NET LA IDIOT). Then they tell me "oh.. then I just need to fix the TV, the internet no need to change". Then they started removing all the plugs of my computer (remember when they said they don't have to change the internet?), then they started taking the phone line box thingy apart. Then they freaking realise they can't fix it at that phone line. So after fumbling for an hour, they decide to move to another phone line. When they finally finish taking apart all the connections in my house, they took another 1 hour trying to get the TV channels set up. You know when you switch on the cable and they say "loading in progress"? Well, for Mio, it's PERMANENTLY IN PROGRESS. So it took them till 12pm (remember they came at 930am) to finish setting up. Then I asked the guy about my internet. CAUSE IT IS NOT WORKING AFTER THEY BLOODY TOOK EVERYTHING APART. He said to "call singtel, ask for password, key it in and it will be fine". Then they left.
But IT WAS NOT FINE. I swear he doesn't freaking know how to do half his job.
Reason #3 - calling the service hotline will kill you
"Press 1 for english... Press 2 for ..... Press.... Please key in.... Press...."
Imagine spending 10 minutes before you get to anyone. Then imagine calling more than 10 times. Just imagine...
Reason #4 - the hotline staff will lie to you
They told me on 2 different occasions that they will call me back IMMEDIATELY. They didn't. First time they took an hour. Second time they never did call back.
They told me they can only get a technical staff down on Monday. I called back demanding for an earlier time. They say they can send someone today.
They told me they technical staff will come from 4-6pm. He came at 8pm.
Reason #4 - they screw up a perfectly simple task
Ended up, the bloody staff in the morning was supposed to bring me a new modem but apparently they didn't know. THANKS.
Reason #5 - bloody tv programmes suck
Imagine watching a programme for 5 minutes, then comes the message "connection lost, please wait", and followed by "connection lost, please choose another programme".
THAT'S ONE BLOODY WASTED DAY THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK.
I replaced the stupid set with my starhub cable box. Goodness. Bloody Mio.
20 June
BCA meeting in NUS. People who are supposed to be there either weren't there or left early.
23 June
Another meeting. I think my boundaries for friends should start getting more defined and selective.
24 June
Dinner at Everything with Fries. It's not too bad. But the fries are not that spectacular. I think I am addicted to chilli sauce. Celebrated Sihui's bday with the help of an entertaining waiter.
Today marks the end of my internship at this department and the BCA competition.
Double relief.
Internship
I spent the better half of the afternoon reading a book (yes, a storybook) and that's after using the majority of this week to do BCA stuff at work. I guess it's an apt ending to this chapter of my life - time is better used somewhere else.
BCA competition
I am nearing madness so I am only too elated that it has ended. Any longer and blood may be spilled.
Today was the epitome of Murphy's law.
I had to print a gazillion pages at work discretely.
But first, the colour printer was not working,
then the other printer printed black and white instead of colour,
then when it finally printed colour, the colour ran out.
So much for discretion. I bugged the admin stuff countless times to rescue me. o_O
This com also gave me the chance to know some people better and I saw sides of them I never would have if I never worked with them.
Some impressed me,
some amazed me (in a good way),
some amazed me (not in a good way),
some irritated me,
some helped me,
some tested me,
some disappointed me,
some are active,
some are passive,
some need a little push,
some move with the speed of a crippled snail,
some seem to just exist to waste my time and/or reduce my lifespan.
Interesting experience indeed.
Now I just wish my phone will stop ringing.
She longs for connection.
The simple joys of being in the company of loved ones.
She longs for solitude.
The escape from people who talk too much and judge too quickly.
She longs for an answer.
The resolution to the discourse in her mind.
She longs for what's missing.
The piece to the puzzle which can calm the fury in her heart.
8 June
Dinner with Sihui at Tamp NYDC. Can't believe I've known her for close to a decade now! The catchup was awesome (no handphones used AT ALL). I don't know why but it was just so easy to talk to her. I can't remember most of what we talked about (other than how we randomly decided to go for like 2 trips) but I remember how I felt. The conversation was safe, engaging and there was no need for masks and pretenses. Ahhh.. Old friends. Love.
9 June
Meeting with HR. YES I AM CHANGING DEPARTMENT AS PLANNED ((((:
10 June
Dinner with SSR, SW and TB. Hmm. Another catchup in the works!
11 June
Dinner with HY. The japanese restaurant that sells italian food is awesome. The food is CHEAP, prepared damn QUICKLY and free flow drinks for $2++.
We ordered:
And it's only $13+ for each of us and all of it came within 10 minute of ordering! OMG.
16 June
Drained. Dealing with people has officially pushed me over the edge. This week alone, I've lost my temper at my work buddy and a project mate. No damages done but what scares me is that I actually enjoyed the outburst. Not to sound sadistic, but it is... liberating. I'm pissed off, I voice it out, we are on the same page, everything is out there. I should totally take this approach more often (in moderation of course).
But seriously, I had it up to here (tip toes, climb on chair and table and gestures to a really high point) with people who talk down to people. I have deepest respect for people whose knowledge and intellect shines through without ever making anyone feel silly or in any way inferior.
Went home with HY and teresa. But I was so drained I could barely muster the energy to even talk.
17 June
Halfway throught the Effective Presentation Skills Workshop which HR happily signed us up for, but I've probably learnt more in today's 8 hours than I've in the past 5 weeks. Though at first I felt really apprehensive about the seemingly daunting presentations we have to do during the course, but the speaker was really engaging (given the nature of the workshop, she HAS to be) and there are some really good pointers. $800 well spent (of course paid by company).
Weird how some of the things taught in the workshop were things I've already been doing in my normal school presentations and yet which are the exact things which my job is preventing me from doing.
My normal presentations: minimal words (if possible), key words which HAVE to be explained by the speaker
My job: flood with content, to quote my buddy "I look at the point, I need to know what you are trying to say"
To be frank, if I can tell you everything I need to in just the slides alone, people won't freaking need to present.
My normal presentations: presenter prepare own slides (like DUH)
My job: prepare slides for boss (and pray she is psychic. And since that's unlikely, end up with problem above)
Highlight of my day: today's speaker saying "presenters should always prepare their own slides".
Truer words have yet to be spoken. *thump chest*
I love multi-tasking.
I do think I depend on it, survive on it, and can't remember the time when I lived without it.
But I'm starting to think people are taking it too seriously.
It's as though they are pushing the boundaries of their attention span, to see how many windows they can open on the desktop, how many gadgets they can use at one time, how little time they can spend doing everything and anything.
But to what end?
People are multi-tasking to get more things done, presumely to get some free time which from what I see, somehow only translates to more multi-tasking.
Where does the line get drawn?
If multi-tasking is simply to get things done quickly so that we can do more things, then the question arises of why then do we need to do so many things?
I admit I am guilty. I try too often to do too many things and never truly getting the satisfaction I believe would come if I were to do less, multi-task less and pay more attention and spend more time on what I AM doing.
I kind of made a revelation over these few weeks of catching up with friends.
My line for multi-tasking get drawn when direct contact with people are involved. And I enjoy catching up most with people who too draw this line while those with people whose lines are blurred, put gently, irritate me.
I do like multi-tasking, but I hate being multi-tasked (and most likely, many feel the same).
Sure, you can update your Facebook status, check your emails, read news , watch a video and play a game all at the same time and none of these programmes are going to feel hurt your attention is split into 10,000 directions at any one time.
But try to mutli-task your friend by talking to 10 at one go, each engaged in a different conversation and chances are, someone is going to be pissed because you're not listening.
An exaggeration, but not far from the truth.
Can you remember the last time you had a meal or a lengthy conversation with somone without a handphone being whipped out in the process?
It's like noone can even be bothered to pause for a second to think of a conversation topic anymore. If noone says anything interesting, then we can all pull out our gadgets to fill in the silence. I mean, who need real friends when you have virtual ones?
It's like having one conversation isn't impressive enough and we have to multi-task with more conversations to better use our time.
But perhaps the reason why our conversations have awkward lulls and unexciting topics is simply due to fact that the other party or both parties are multi-tasking?
I do actually stop trying to continue a conversation with someone who continuously reply smses and return the favour by starting to sms as well. If you can't be bothered, neither can I.
Shocking as it may be, picking up a non emergency call during a conversation with someone is actually considered rude.
But I find phone calls alright, but sending smses (and whatever it is that people do on their phone nowadays) simply cross the line.
If something is truly important, the person will call and not send an sms, and therefore, you need not reply immediately.
If your facebook and twitter feeds are more important than me, I would rather not waste both our time catching up and just stick to virtual updates.
It is bad enough that communication tools such as sms and msn already require minimal attention from the people involved.
But isn't there something wrong if physically being with somone is not even going to be able to warrant their undivided attention?
And this post probably runs the risk of me coming across as a self-absorbed bitch who craves for attention.
But the truth is, I treasure the time I am spending with the people around me (most of them anyway =P), and I wish they feel the same.
Initial stage: Vetting stage: In short, What I have learnt:
As part of a plan to give me more exposure, my internship was arranged to be at department A for 7 weeks before moving to department B for 3+ weeks. This was prearranged, long before my internship started. But now, my department head would rather I stay throughout my stint to get a more comprehensive experience, my supervisor-to-be has problems finding something for me to work on for only 3 weeks, my fellow intern, who is supposed to counterswap with me to go from B to A, has expressed interest in staying at B throughout too. Another intern happily narrated this to me, before concluding that my shift from A and B was no longer a likely option. To which I replied, "but I want to switch." This garnered a laugh and a "that's too bad". And so I asked, "why is this my internship and yet everyone has their say but me? Isn't this my problem?" And it struck me hard.
Why we are entitled to our opinions as long as the issue in question is insignificant?
But when things truly matter, isn't it ironic how we find out that our lives are never truly our own to live.
Just caught this Ben Stiller show called Keeping The Faith. It's kinda old and I've probably watched it several times before.
But that's the thing with movies, you get a new take on it everytime you see it.
I guess it pretty much sums up what I was trying to talk about in my post about religion some time ago.
My brother asked me at the end if it was a true story.
Sadly, I don't really think art imitates life in this instance.
But one can dream right?
1 June
Original plan to Nandos went to naught thanks to our chronical latecomer Dan. The queue almost went out of Bugis. So we went to NYDC. I still think the chef can't find his bearing ever since the menu (or more importantly the size of the plate. SEEEE... Big plate BETTER. Sigh) changed. I think I am finally cured of any NYDC craving for some time.
Then went over to Koi. Keep seeing people talking about it on FB but didn't understand what's the craze about since bubble tea's not my thing. We waited like 20 minutes for 1 bubble tea. Faints. I was half convinced the swarm of people waiting for their drinks were waiting for buses at a busstop. Yes, it was that many people. Horrors.
I realised I will never queue that long for food. Or drinks. I told Dan I will probably try Nandos a few months later when the attention span of Sporeans wear off. (Remember the bubble tea and donuts craze? ) I mean, if it's THAT good, I am sure it won't close down anytime soon AND there will probably be another one opening soon AND the queue is never going to last forever.
Sounds like a rather gloomy day. Being tired and having low tolerance of lateness is not exactly a winning combination. Sorry Dan if I sounded sulky and grouchy! :)))
Funniest thing all day was seeing this machine at Iluma's arcade. Those claw thingy to catch soft toys and stuff. There was one which has the sign below. I swear it's a damaged machine they just can't be bothered to fix. Seriously. How can 1 claw catch anything!
2 June
Headcount dwindling! Hope we can achieve our desirable results.
Went to a largely empty green exhibition at Suntec. I always pity those events with lousy turnouts. Just feel very bad for them. Oh well.
I wonder if every cent I spend at Suntec somehow makes it way to particular mega church... Hmmm.
I see some interesting development between someone and someone!
3 June
Outing with the 4J gang! Love love. We tried to resume our custom of birthday celebrations. Ah Lee, Char, CY, Stacy and moi. I don't know what's with mexican/spanish food craze that Char has. And you ordered the same thing at Changing Appetities as you did at Chilli's! Funny. And I can't believe Stacy and I shared 2 main courses while the other 3 shared 1 starter and 1 main course. And we all shared waffle ice cream and cake. Talk about FATNESS.
It just weird how the friends you made when you were younger are always going to be the ones closer to your heart? It's like a certain amount of innocence was there when you first knew them and it's never going to be tainted by time?
Or maybe it's just the group of people I meet now are much more different from me (upbringing, experiences etc) but somewhere down the road, I think the people I keep in contact with will be mostly those from my past rather than my present.
Or maybe it's me. Maybe I am too guarded, too damaged, too... old.
4 June
Run run run! I am seriously disturbed that I couldn't continue a conversation and my thighs were aching after 2km. Goodness fatness me.
But somehow the run didn't take very long.
Then we went for hotdogs at Ikea. I love $1 hotdogs! But ended up eating hotdog AND curry puff AND ice cream AND drink. Save money and eat less plan DIDN'T work.
5 June
Sungei Buloh walk. Minus the waking up at 615am and fighting with mozzies with a fluffy towel, it wasn't all that bad. Thank goodness for the company (but not the company which made me go there).
I realised I am caught in a time warp on the train like EVERYDAY. No matter how late I leave my house, I always reach office at approx the same time. And it happened again today! We were going to be late, and then suddenly we were not. It somehow took 15 minutes for the train to travel 4 stops and 10 minutes to travel 8 stops. And none of those stops are particularly shorter or longer than the others. Weird.
I concluded that mudskippers look like sai. And when they hang around a puddle of water, it's just a bit hilarious. In a gross kind of way. Also saw little crabs (horse shoe crabs look like walking shells, what's with the name), some huge ass lizard (can't remember the name) and many plants which all apparently are good for us in some way or another. But no otters. I want to see them build houses. Bleh.
There was the cutest boy on the trip. Shy and unspoilt. All kids should be like that.
And I saw what it means when they talk about boys and their toys. There was this professional photographer on our trip with those huge ass pro looking camera and plenty of gadgets. With all of those toys, he was having the hugest problem keeping his eyes off HY's white camera. He finally gathered enough courage to strike up a conversation and going on about how that camera resembles some star trooper suit. And he totally couldn't keep his eyes off it. I saw him sneaking glances at it! So FUNNEH.
After the walk, had Koi (after 1 cup by myself, it's really not all that awesome), naan and washed my car (like finally).
Most productive Saturday I had in a while.
Not really much point to this post. Just FMI in case I get dementia someday.
When people make decisions for me, regarding me or about me,
without even involving me,
are they assuming they know me better than me?
If not,
why don't they just leave the decision making to me?
And I am not talking about utter isolation where people can NEVER ever tell me what to do, after all, I am certainly not going to make the best decision all the time or even most of the time.
Some people may never get it (I know of at least one who probably never will), but just like how my way is never going to always be the best or the right way, neither is any single person's way going to be.
Inaction or failure to communicate for the sake of avoiding conflicts or simply because "I (and only I) think it is for the best" is rarely ever the best option.
Even when I disagree with you, it does not mean I did not listen or did not care.
Ignorance is rarely bliss because it is too hard to be ignorant to the extent where happiness can be reached.
Or maybe, just maybe, the decisions made "for" me, were only ever just a facade.
Note to self: refrain from doing this to others.
I believe that religions should first and foremost, promote the doing of good things, rather than promote the belief in their religion. Is that really an utterly urgent mission, to prove that mine is better than yours and that only one god exist? To kill someone who has "strayed" from his/her religion, is that acceptable? If religions call for love and peace and acceptance to all, why do religions end up dividing people? Why must it be yours against mine rather than yours AND mine? If there are so many grey areas in this world, why do religions have to be absolute? The signs that firm believers see, the signs from god, the calling, how much of it is pure coincidence, how much of it is just our own mind making up what we want to see? If everytime we met with something which we cannot explain, something in which no logic or reason can provide an answer and we tell ourselves that it's in god's plans and that we need to have faith, is it really any different from believing in karma and luck and that things are bound to happen in ways we may never comprehend? It may seem contradictory for me to claim to believe in a higher being and yet sound like an atheist. But at this point in time, I'm probably a theist. I believe in karma and luck because there are no rules and boundaries involve which will dictate the way I live my life which goes beyond logic and rationality. The higher being(s) I believe in does not plan my destiny nor put me through trials. Religions disturb me when they make people do things which may not always make the most sense. And when asked to justify their actions, we are often greeted with the all too familiar "god has plans" and "we need to have faith". Quick retreats to shield themselves from the onslaught of rationality and well, sense. I long for the day where people can discuss about beliefs instead of slam religions and that people can see that we are really not that different from one another. We all look to religion for a largely common purpose, simply because it makes us feel better.I believe in god.
Or more accurately, not in any particular god, but rather, the presence of a higher being(s).
Maybe it stems from the very human desire of wanting to have control, to feel in control. Believing that there are no gods would be to admit that there is no purpose to our lives, that things are in utter and complete chaos.
And most of us can't deal with that.
But my belief doesn't exactly comes from something religious like faith.
Ultimately, I believe mostly in karma and luck. And I therefore rationally (which more often than not, isn't a typical characteristic of religions) conclude that a higher being must be somewhere out there, somehow keeping track of these things (to keep track of karma at least. Luck is just.. luck).
I do not belive in being blessed, I believe in getting what you give.
I don't believe in someone having a plan for you, I believe a plan is what you make for yourself.
I believe in a higher being, but I don't believe in having blind faith.
I believe He/She may be in my life, but He/She is not my life.
Sure, it's nice having someone who's there, but that's what friends and family are for.
Sure, it's even nicer having someone who's ALWAYS there, but are we just creating an image to make ourselves feel better? Afterall, children grow up with imaginary friends. Are gods the equivalent for adults?
Humans are creatures of contradiction. We are all imperfect while supposedly, these gods of ours are not. And when people look to religion to justify their actions or do things in the name of religion, we run the risk of appearing completely hypocritical.
If we behave in certain ways because of religion, and ignore others when it is convenient, then what do we get?
A different religion and belief for each and everyone.
And who is right?
At the end of the day, religion becomes just another dilemma we face in our everyday life.
And since I believe the world operate by karma and luck, good things happen to people with good karma or good luck while bad things happen to people with bad karma or luck.
We can do all we can to accumulate karma, but sometimes our luck just sucks. And that's just too bad.
It's easier to live knowing that disasters like earthquakes happen to people because of luck rather than believing that god planned for it. As a test.
Test of what exactly? Human will? Human spirit?
And who gets tested exactly? The mother who lost her child? Or the man who will never walk again?
I guess it is comforting for the individual to think of his own situation as a test. It is probably much easier to people to push on thinking that there is a reason for shit happening, a reason other than just the simple fact that, shit happens.
But how that is comforting puzzles me. How am I supposed to feel good that my god is giving me crap just to test me? It just seems a little sadistic to me.
Maybe it is the whole mould-your-character thing. But what about those who cannot take the moulding? And commit suicide? From what I know, in certain religions, people who take their own lives go to hell. Now what? Certain people go through shit, fail to survive and go to hell. Others are blessed with a good life, survive very well and go to heaven. Fair?
But truth be told, I have nothing against any religion. My problem lies not with religions but with the followers.
If a particular religion can exist, I cannot comprehend how some can deny the existence of any other religion.
Slamming other religions to promote one's own is no different from trying to prove that something is right by proving any other alternative is wrong - a method which is flawed and in no way accurate.
