pensieve

when i grow up

2011-08-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

I think I am getting to know way too many people that make me go "god, I hope I am not like you".

And then hope I never will be.

why pap why

2011-05-26T10:33:00.005+08:00

After the elections, I was kinda bothered that a certain white party was still ruling my area.

But I had no major complaints about how things have turned out around here and in fact, I love staying here.

And besides the fact that I have NEVER ever met my MP since moving here in 1998 (true, I am not at home most of the time, but hey, most people aren't either right?) and that the closest I ever got to meeting her was having some lousy adv hanging on my door saying I missed my MP on her visit (which I think is bullsh*t cause I was at home the whole time and therefore, the adv wasn't even hunged by her), I don't really have anything against her per se.

I guess I belong to the lucky group of people that can pretty much get by without the help of an MP (I paused for a long moment there trying to think of something I needed my MP for and couldn't really think of any). Sure, she is my "voice in parliament" but how can someone be my voice if she never even met me before. *shrugs*

Anyhows, I saw alot of her adv and flyers portraying the work she has done in this area, the usual visiting old people, implementing volunteer programmes etc but hey, I for one know how far smoking can take a person. Even the smallest of achievement with the right words and pictures can look pretty impressive.

And I read a FB post sometime back (and can't find it now) which was questioning why we equate an MP who visits old people and implements volunteer programmes as a good MP? Cause besides the fact that all these seems like "nice things" to do and usually normal citizens do it in their free time as actual volunteer work, MPs are in fact doing it as part of their job. Sure, it is probably not cast in stone as something they HAVE to do, but serving the people is most likely somewhere in their job scope and it pretty much encompasses such activities.

So I realised I was feeling pretty ok about my MP cause she was doing her job. -.- How low a benchmark is that?

And then I saw this article.

Apparently, my MP was complaining:
"I started my MPS on May 9, two days after being elected as MP. Had a big crowd. Hardly any rest. No big media publicity. An opposition party starting their MPS just yesterday. If that had happened in a PAP branch, imagine the flak...But I am not complaining. We serve quietly and hope residents will judge us by our actions, and not just our words."

Ironic isn't it. Firstly, if she is really so keen on serving quietly, why is complaining on a social media? And this just reflects the mentality of the person who is representing my voice - immature and petty. Is the media supposed to cover EVERY single MPS in Spore?

Then I guess someone called her "irksome" (refer to above article) and she whined again about how she was just making a point about working quietly. Her tone obviously conveyed her displeasure and as a politician, I believe no matter the shit that gets thrown at you (even in social media, since she willing joined), you should still be politically correct. Behaving otherwise just reflects poorly on yourself.

Then an affliated FB account quoted her on her wall:
"We serve quietly and hope residents will judge us by our actions, and not just our words."

WHOA. Sound so damn impressive right? Quoted right out of context to make her sound all sagely and wise.

And speaking of quoting out of context, another boo boo by our men(and women) in white.

This MP claimed his (IMHO, retarded) comment about ministers' pay was quoted out of context.

"If the annual salary of the Minister of Information, Communication and Arts is only $500,000, it may pose some problems when he discuss policies with media CEOs who earn millions of dollars because they need not listen to the minister’s ideas and proposals, hence a reasonable payout will help to maintain abit of dignity."

He wrote a long reply about how this was quoted of out context by saying just that. No evidence of how it was out of context and not even a link to the actual context.

Then someone replied with the actual article . Even though my chinese CMI, I still managed to understand the article and no matter how hard I tried, I don't see any other context. The article is in chinese but I don't see any problem with the translation. I can't be half assed bothered to read to the second page, but unlike the above quotation from my MP which is definitely out the context, this one is quoted in its entirety. The entire quotation is a paragraph, not any shorter nor longer.

I seriously wish my MPs would stop using social media and embarass themselves. It's really painful to watch.

WP FTW

2011-05-08T12:01:00.004+08:00

After staying up till near 3am yesterday, I saw history in the making.
I had a fear PAP would end up winning everything with the leaving of heavyweights from Potong Pasir and Hougang.

But I am glad Aljunied was taken by WP.
And even though they lost, Potong Pasir and Joo Chiat only lost VERY marginally.
And that the winning margins of PAP were lower compared to those from the previous election.

And re-reading XX's post about Aljunied which I was too lazy to yesterday, my only rebuttal would be that her precious PAP, which introduced the GRC system to allow screw ups lik TPL to become our MPs, has karma bit them back in their arse and lost their capable foreign minister.

And I am glad the results from yesterday spoke more loudly and significantly than anything I could have written about XX.

((:

More GE

2011-05-07T13:43:00.006+08:00

Gotta write all these before the GE is over.
Then it'll be outdated.

Heard more ridiculous PAP quotes over the past few days.

PM Lee on why he apologised "...the politics of it and also the emotion connection which is very important between the government and the people".

This just makes it sound like he apologised cause that's what he thinks the people want to hear.

Vivian on YOG: his final budget didn't burst. It was due to his initial estimation being wrong. And he stated that he did seek a second approval from PM. PM even asked if he would have bidded for the YOG would his initial estimation been so much higher.

Weirdly, though the clear inference on the answer to PM's question is "yes", the report (on radio) did not clearly mention Vivian's reply.

No matter what this reply is, what is the point of this statement? That PM gave a second approval? Why wouldn't he? Singapore has already WON the bid. HOW IN THE WORLD will we turn around and say "hey, sorry but we got the numbers wrong, why don't you pass it to another country instead?"

Come on. Of course PM will approve anything once the bid is ours. -.-

And how is saying the initial estimation is WRONG better than admitting to bursting the budget? We pay our precious leaders millions to get the best and he gets the budget wrong by 300%?

Faints.

Vivian's response to the raised parliament request of helping out the needy more - "Do you want three meals in a hawker centre, food court or restaurant?"

Hello? We pay you more than $125,000 a month, you want to justify it by saying it prevents you from being corrupted, by being getting initial estimates wrong or by blaming people for being gay?

Randomly, on the topics of salaries, I realised if we tag PM's pay to Obama and then assume ministers' and MPs' pay maintain the current percentage of PM's pay, we will save about $40,000,000 annually. :O

Just the other day, I was wondering if Xiaxue will blog about GE. Was curious about her take on all this hoo haa. Afterall, her view of some stuff are kinda hilarious. But when she did, I can't help feeling disappointed.

She is pro PAP, pro LKY ALL THE WAY. She probably singlehandedly raised the number of "Likes" LKY has on FB over and above Nicole Seah's in a couple of hours.

At the risk of just hating her for the sake of hating her, I shall TRY to jusitfy my feelings and prove I am not one of those overly emotion, supporting opposition just for the sake of supporting opposition people.

It's probably impossible to do a rational, complete cost benefit analysis of everything PAP and the opposition did, is doing, said, is saying etc. Everyone can interpret anything they want according to how they want and we can probably argue till the end of days.

So I shall just try to focus on what XX is saying. And if it's justified. (Anything in "" below are quoted from XX's blog)

1) Her post on LKY's vs NS's popularity on FB

Firstly, as someone noted on FB, it's ridiculous to get so caught up in this issue. Hello? FB likes won't necessarily translate into votes. LKY isn't going to get all emotional cause he's not liked on a social media where youngsters religiously post everything about their lives and which shares retarded (but funny) videos. XX complained people are ridiculous for liking NS on FB.. She's being ridiculous for caring about FB likes at all.

It's a social media where people have fun. Get over it.

"No matter what a shitty job the PAP is doing now, it remains that a lot of their members have dedicated a big part of their lives to building everything we have today."

Oh, so past acheivements justify present incompetence? Hey, I was in the special stream after my PSLE results, why not let me get into the Faculty of Medicine at university without a need for O and A levels results? Afterall, no matter what a shitty score I got at A levels, it remains that I dedicated a full SIX years to achieving my PSLE scores ok?

"It is thanks to them that we are the number 1 most uncorrupted country in the WORLD. We have absurd safety around the island. Our children are all ensured, at the very least, some education. "

We are the number 1 most uncorrupted country in the world because, in case you haven heard, we pay our leaders one of the highest in the WORLD. I wrote about it in a post a while back. Enough said.

Yes, I am grateful for our safety. I am glad I can go home at 2am in the morning and not fear for my life. No doubt certain polices played their role in this safety, but Singapore is small. I assume this means that it's relatively easier to control than many other countries.

And see what happens when Mas Selamat escaped. We COULDN'T find him. Our safety in this country has breed a sense of complacency and what we have taken for granted may not always be around. I am grateful we are safe now, but I hope and wish that this safety will always be around.

But XX is clearly confusing what was with what will be. She is doing what PAP loves to do. Boasting about track records. But track records, like CVs, tend to gloss over the negatives and glam up the positives. Yes, it is a good gauge of capability but surely it can't be the only benchmark.

This rest of her post talked about how much LKY has done for Singapore.

And I agree.

I respect his vision to ensure Singaporeans can speak decent English. I heard him speak at NUS KRMF forum and there is no doubt he is a very capable, sharp and brilliant man.

So ultimately I am slightly confused as to the aim of her post.

To justify why LKY should have more likes than NS?
Granted he does, but it's really a frivolous issue.

To criticise people's ungratefulness?
I don't think people are ungrateful per se. Does being grateful mean having to avoid giving criticisms? (Granted these criticisms would have to be justified).

Using past achievements to justify supporting the PAP?
Only touched briefly in this post. And as I have said above, clearly confusing what was with what will be.

So, to conclude her first post - the lack of focus shows she is just as carried away by emotions as the very people she is complaining about.

And this brings us to her next post which she explains her support for the PAP.

Her take on 1) Everybody's ANGRY

"Watching the rallies of the opposition really annoys me. Hearing people cheer as the PAP are being blamed from the flash floods to Mas Selamat to housing prices to foreign talents in Singapore..."

Having been to 2 rallies, the people cheering and shouting may be loud, but they are not the majority. And that's what the rallies are for anyway. You mean when PAP slams the opposition, people don't cheer?

So if XX is against people cheering, then it's just ridiculous. Once again, cheering don't translate into votes.

If she is against people being angry about flash floods, Mas Selamat, housing prices and foreign talents, why can't people be?

Her justifications:

"Suddenly it's not your own fault that driving a taxi is not enough to feed your 6 children. It is the PAP's. What an awesome liberating feeling! Yeah PAP ask you to keep fucking without contraception so it is their responsibility to give you welfare!"

Just a random example written for the sake of gaining "cheers" from her online followers. Nothing whatsoever relevant to complaints about floods, Mas Selamat, housing prices and foreign talents.

"People always yakking about how PAP doesn't help the poor... Nicole Seah even said her stupid inspiration for dabbling in politics is because she saw an old lady with a roof over her head but no food...

(cont'd) EXCUSE ME? THE ROOF FLY TO ABOVE HER HEAD BY ITSELF AH? Must give her roof must provide food everyday... Must help her wipe her ass or not?

(cont'd) I'm not saying we shouldn't help the poor. We should. But everything needs to be in balance. To say that the rich and able should constantly be giving to the poor, needy or lazy is a childish idealistic notion that simply won't work. We must simply accept that some people suffer in life - we can try to limit it, but we cannot eradicate it."

Her last paragraph just contradicts her argument. She claims there needs to be a balance. Is anyone saying otherwise? People are saying more help is needed precisely because there isn't balance.

"People like to hear things like TAX THE RICH LAH! REDUCE MINISTER'S PAY! WHY SHOULD THEY EARN SO MUCH WHILE WE ARE SUFFERING?

(cont'd) Excuse me? WHY? Who is stopping you from being a hardworking student, getting a scholarship, and becoming minister yourself? Who is stopping you from setting up your own business after saving up money from doing several jobs? YOU THINK ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDN'T WORK HARD?

(cont'd) You want to blame, you blame yourself. Don't think just because you are faring worse than others everyone else has to contribute to a better livelihood for you? FUCK THAT. You know what is COMMUNISM not?"

Her second paragraph tries to justify ministers' high pay because... they work hard? And therefore people should too? I don't see how those 2 points are linked but I shall try to make sense of it. Noone said they shouldn't earn money for working hard. But why are they earning THAT much? (Again, this issue is already covered in a previous post).

So if anything about lowering the cost of living directly translate into communism, then why not eliminate public housing. True capitalist state!

"You want cheapo HDB flats... Singapore's land is so limited, HOW CHEAP YOU WANT? You think what? HDB grow like mushroom? All you need is soil, sunshine, water and some love? NO LEH A LOT OF BANGALA NEEDED TO BUILD THEM!"

She assumed the flats are as cheap as they can get. But apparently PAP refuse to release the cost breakdown of these flats which hints that they have something to hide.

And again she's trying to make 2 points at the same time and confusing people.

If housing is expensive because we need alot of labour to build them, then fine, release the cost breakdown.

If her point is being that housing SHOULD be expensive as it is now because Singapore has a lack of space, it goes against the very basis of public housing.

She's assuming more expensive housing means fewer people will buy houses, thereby solving the space constraints. Hello? Public housing isn't a luxury good. People need it. If Singapore has a lack of iPads and the price is jacked up so only the rich can get it? Fine. But like it or not, people need to live somewhere. Jacking up the prices only makes it more difficult. And if the high prices are to prevent people from buying houses for the sake of investment, surely there are other methods than using price as a restriction.

"I'm not rich myself ok? Mike and I barely have enough to pay the downpayment for a HDB. But I don't expect the government to give me money or lower the prices leh... Why should they? I refuse to take any blogshop ads. I lazy to blog more. I can't be bothered to source out more advertisers. I spend my money on shoes and bags. SO LIKE THAT LAH! Either be contented or blame yourself!"

Unlike her, some people are poor not because they are lazy. She is assuming people are lazy like her and blaming the government for it.

She then goes on to rant about how bad change is. Yadda yadda. Cause...

"Change from what to what? If our bar is at "GOOD" now, you want to change it to "EXCELLENT"? You think opposition can do it? What if they change from "GOOD" to "FUCKED"? There is no perfect system. "GOOD" is good enough for me."

What ifs... what ifs... BUT what if it really does change for the better? There may be no perfect system. But is good the highest we can reach for?

After this whole chunk, she adds a disclaimer:
"p/s: For the above I'm addressing people who are 100% against PAP, not those who just wish to have some opposition voices in the government."

Ironically, this is definitely not apparent in the way she has been writing so far.

Her take on 2) Marine Parade GRC

She insist people should "compare strongest to strongest, weakest to weakest lah!"

Then goes on to compare NS to GCK.

Erm NS may be the most vocal but what about the head of the team Cheo Chai Chen?

Education: graduate of Nanyang University’s Department of Government and Public Administration

Experience: first participated in politics in 1988 with the Singapore Democratic Party. In 1991, he was elected to Parliament as the Member of Parliament for Nee Soon Central SMC and became the Chairman of the constituency’s Town Council. Joined the National Solidarity Party in 2006, and now a member of the Central Executive Committee.

Maybe still not as impressive as GCK, but yes, "Wanna compare must compare to the right person ok?"

I shall not contest her point on Aljunied cause I don't know the complete picture to make a judgement. And I am getting tired.

But 2/3 of her points are invalid at this point in time.

And her ending note: "I'm not trying to tell you who to vote for. Ok I kinda am. But I fear a bleak future for our nation should the PAP topple. And don't say it won't! My god the day we have a coalition government our country will go to the dogs."

If PAP's future lies in people the likes of TPL, even if they remain in power, I fear the topple is only a matter of time.

MJ

2011-05-07T12:31:00.003+08:00

I got so many things to blog about I better shall separate it into different posts.

Went for Thriller Live yesterday.

After the concert, I had a strong urge to watch MJ videos on youtube on repeat.
After the concert, I am convinced MJ is irreplacable.
After the concert, I kinda felt my money could have been better spent :X

Instead of staying true to MJ, the "tribute" incorporated random breakdances and street wear which just... makes it black I guess. At the risk of sounding racist, it's really the best way to describe it.

I mean, THRILLER performed with backup dancers wearing basketball shirts and shorts? Looking punkish? HELLO? Zombies not so hip can?

There were about 4-5 MJ.
One was just abit too plump to be convincing. It just feels weird to watch someone perform MJ's moves but yet not quite getting it cause well, there was a bit too much meat around. I don't mean to be size-ist, but hey, facts are facts. If actors can loose a whole pile of weight for their roles, I am sure the dancer can do his part? I don't know. Just my opinion. And he's bald some of the times. I mean. BALD? MJ HAD HAIR. And there were parts where the MJs had wigs. Those sphere shaped wigs for the Jackson 5 era. So much hair. So why can't you have wigs throughout? So half hearted. Bald MJ. Seriously.

Another was white enough (to be MJ in the later years), tall enough and skinny enough. And his techniques are correct. But... that's it. He's doing it, but not feeling it.

I guess that kinda sums up the entire performance. It comes across as a show with a severe lack of heart. Everytime they attempt to pull off MJ moves like the famous moonwalk and the 45 degree thingy, instead of being impressed, I can't help but think "please pull this off". I severely was worried it couldn't be done.

Wonder if its just me.

Sadly, overall, it felt like more like a school play than a world class act.
Sadly, after the show, instead of being thrilled to watch MJ come back to life, I just felt mildly depressed that there will never be someone as amazing as him again.

with an end, comes another beginning

2011-05-07T12:23:00.003+08:00

So,
kinda belated.

But I just completed my last exam of my education life on Thu.
Unless I want to, I probably do not have to take another school exam again.
Ever.

The paper didn't feel any different from any other papers I have taken.
I couldn't wait for it to come,
just so I could get it over and done with.
Just like every other last paper I've taken every sem, every year.

Maybe it's the impending FYP that makes it kinda...
like a half hearted ending.

Maybe I'll feel better after Mon.
Then again, there is the final report due in June.

Gah.
Never ending pain in the arse.

But anyhow,
with the end of my uni life,
comes the beginning of my voting life.

I hope change comes.

Seal - Change is Gonna Come
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHa096VQ8FE

TNP

2011-05-02T23:24:00.004+08:00

Unbelievable.

I mean, biasedness in the newspaper and media is bound to occur.
Nothing is ever black and white.

But reporting a false story? If not for all the hoo haa going on the cybernet, I would have believed my mom when she told me this morning that Dr Chee from SDP tried to start a protest and create instability among his party.

But I guess the time where people could get away with blatant lies are far gone.

Brief overview of what happened:
http://kirstenhan.me/2011/05/02/wah-lau-tnp-buay-pai-seh-ah/

And when one of the writers got terribly slammed on her FB page for her article, all she could manage was these feeble replies.

First reply:
"We stand by our piece, thanks."

Second reply:
"if it turns out that I'm right, and that all of you have maligned me and my co-author, do we get an apology instead?"

Third reply:
"I will not justify my article as yet. but I won't be un-accountable, so please be patient. in the meantime, if you guys are referring to this video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ1-qjNieiY - it was taken on 30 april. the rally in question we're talking about in the story was that which happened at Jurong East stadium, on 29 april."

(These are ACCURATE QUOTES and not fabrications. I probably have more reporting ethics here than her entire article. Ok couldn't resist rubbing it in.)

Her first reply is just... I don't even know what that is. A kid going "why don't you believe me? I am correct!"

Her second reply was probably to buy time. Lest people ask why isn't she replying. Which is just kinda dumb. By replying and not giving a proper reply, that is just making it look like you don't have a reply.

Why "if it turns out"? The event in question has long passed, it is not a weather prediction, not something anyone is waiting to "turn out". So I can only guess that what we are supposed to be waiting for is you looking for your evidence and proofs to back your article (if any).

Her third and (so far) final reply came an hour after the first. She asks us to be patient. So apparently, she still can't find her proofs. Must be a hell of a workdesk.

And "I will not justify my article as yet". Why not? Waiting to make a public statement?

For her sake, she better have proof. And fast.

Update:
Fourth (and latest) reply:
"spoke to some SDP people today - they were all very nice and said they were not enraged by our story. it's ironic that netizens are the ones reacting."

Wow. So false stories are alright just because the people in question are not enraged? If they were enraged, they will just give you more rubbish to write about isn't it. By her logic, I should just piss off nice, even tempered people from now on. Cause... well... you know, they don't get enraged and stuff.

*rolls eyes*

money

2011-05-02T13:38:00.004+08:00

This morning, I was reminded of yet another noteworthy point PAP made some time ago.

It was probably reiterated recently with all the backlash and slamming of their high paying salaries.

PAP's justification - to attract the best, we have to pay salaries which are compatible with the private sector. This makes us competitive etc etc.

When I first heard it, I didn't give all that much thought to it.

I've heard so much propaganda over the years that I have already lose the ability to really hear what is being said.

But just spare a few seconds to think this statement over, and it doesn't make the slightest sense at all.

I cannot deny the temptation of money and the motivation it gives people to do certain things or behave in certain ways.

But to say that high salaries will attract the best is based on the assumption that the best are motivated PURELY by high salaries.

If a highly capable CEO claims to be TRULY sincere about serving the people and then goes "hey, if you don't pay me as much as my current job does, I am not going over to join you" then I seriously doubt his true intentions.

PAP should just take a minute to think. Noone is saying that the goverment should operate like a non-profit organisation. Noone is going to deny that government officials should be paid a salary. And even if it higher than the ordinary office worker, I am not going to deny that they don't deserve it. But studies have shown that their salaries is not simply competitive, the ratio of our political leaders' pay to GDP Per Capita for 2010 is actually ranked SECOND in the WORLD.

How's that for competitiveness. Since we are SO DAMN competitive, why aren't we attracting the very best into politics? Why is there new blood being introduced with a calibre not that significantly superior to any average undergrad I can find at my university?

I think there was even a vague reference to how high salaries will have the effect of preventing corruption in our system. Oh, so now we are incorporating the money potentially earned from corruption into our salaries? Why not double my salary in the future so I won't steal some paper from our company's printer.

I am pretty sure the quality of a person's life is not going to be significantly diminished just because they are going to be paid $20,000 a month instead of their precious $100,000.

And I am pretty damn sure that extremely capable people attracted by our extremely competitive salaries wouldn't be people that can lose both a limping fugitive from a toilet and then proceed to burst the budget on an event I barely noticed
by more than 3 times. The initial budget was $108,000,000 so imagine what 3 times would mean. Sure, every cent MAY have been justified, but then who came up with the initial budget to begin with? If the initial decision made to take up the YOG based on the budget of $108,000,000, how can the new budget be justified?

Capable indeed.

And what's worse about all these?

These capable people are so convinced of their capabilities that they don't even see what is wrong. I would paste links here supporting this but apparently temasek review articles are blocked from singtel users.

But the article titles reads:
Wong Kan Seng: 'Myopic' to focus on escape of Mas Selamat
Dr Vivian “unapologetic” about bursting YOG budget by more than three times

OMG.

Words fail me.

random thoughts

2011-05-01T23:28:00.007+08:00

Shouldn't a capable leader who is sincere about serving his people welcome change instead of fighting to maintain a group of followers who are just mindless replicas of himself?

A truly selfless leader should only seek to maintain his rule insofar as it proves to be the best for whom he is serving. Otherwise, any attempts to maintain power are purely for selfish reasons.

I guess politics will always be a selfish game.

ramblings after a rally

2011-05-01T16:24:00.006+08:00

I most certainly do not see myself as a wonderfully self informed person capable of making critical judgements and comments on what is going on in the political scene right now.

I have often thought of myself as being a rather politically apathetic person.
Maybe it's because without any choices, people assume apathetic-ness.
Afterall, getting too caught up in something which seems unlikely to change could be a troubling way to live.
(On the other hand, being apathetic could very well feed the cycle of nothing being changed and therefore remaining apathetic... yadda yadda)

But with the election drawing close, we are forced to make a stand.
Apathetic or not, I have to vote.
And only a few weeks back, I admit that I had no idea who to vote for and yet it didn't bother me all that much.

I've come to accept the fact that with or without me (since I've never voted before), life goes on.
Since I've always lived in an area where PAP was and is in power, I don't know of a life where this has not been the case.
I've come to accept a lot of things going around me like GST hikes, ERP hikes, housing hikes, car ownership hikes as facts that would occur, whether we like it or not, whether PAP is in power or not.

But I have since then heard a lot from the opposition parties.
Thanks to facebook and enthusiastic friends, I have heard a lot of slamming of PAP. Internet noise and bias-ness aside, it reminds me that the life I know of may not be the only life out there.

There is no guarantee that the opposition will do better, or that the PAP will do any worse, but is change really so bad?

Over the past few years, I've been overseas more than a couple times, and somehow, it has made me appreciate Singapore and indirectly, the government more.

I've even became quite convinced that PAP wasn't as bad as certain people made them out to be.
At some point in time, I could have even be a PAP supporter.

But this image (illusion maybe) seem to be fading these days.

Talk may be cheap but talk is often all we have to judge certain things and based our decisions upon.

Over the past few days, I have heard some really good opposition speeches, some not so good ones but unlike the PAP, nothing they have said have irked me.

The things PAP have been saying are splashed over the local news and the papers, both of which I believe would not have any intentions of portraying them in a bad light.

Which means whatever that are being published are most likely things PAP want the people to hear and NOT slips of the tongue.

And yet the things I am hearing baffles me.

Surely any rational being could see through the threats and often nonsensical analogies?

Analogy of the country being a car and the goverment as the driver? And PAP's claim that having 2 drivers is dangerous and inefficient since drivers going in 2 directions will translate to slower decisions being made etc etc.

Isn't this as good as saying that things should be done in one and only one way? PAP's way? In what universe is having more than ONE school of thougth, more than ONE opinion a bad thing? Back to the car analogy, what if the ONE driver is a reckless one?

And the threats to Aljunied voters that they WILL regret their decision should WP come in power? And all those age old threats on delays in upgrading and developments should opposition come into power.

Using one of the retorts from the opposition, whose money is the PAP using? Why should certain people be made a lower priority when they are paying and contributing the same amount as the rest of the population? Certain amounts may be subsidised from the parties but doesn't this money eventually trace back to the people? And anyway, why does the party have so much reserves to threaten the people with?

And even if these accumulations of reserves are justified, why the threats? Why threats instead of promises?

All through my school life where I have seen people running for clubs and societies, for representations in schools and competitions, never have I ever seen people use threats as a tool to garner support.

Maybe the generation has changed. Haven't people heard that the youths of today are rebellious and possibly difficult to control or fit conventional norms?

Threats don't make us back down.

They could very well wake us up from the political slumber we have been taking for so long.

As of right now, either parties in my GRC has yet to convince me why I should vote for them.

But one side is definitely set on giving me more and more reasons why my vote should not go to them.

Even with nothing being done, every supporter one side loses is a gain to the other.

I wonder when PAP will realise that.

Update: after reading numerous notes and links online, with many solid analyses and number crunchings, I am thoroughly convinced I am not as critical as I could and should be. And I am sure there are many others like me out there. But I guess my general stand still remains - it is difficult to judge capabilities based solely on words and over such a short period of time. And I believe attitudes largely determine success and a party which resorts to threats only portray a lack of confidence and the inherent tendency to undermine the very people they claim to be serving.

I believe formulating policies is something which can be learned and improved upon.
But attitudes and behaviours? They tend to stick around.

And funny thing is, why are citizens making these analysis and rebuttals for the political parties which seem so incapable of doing so themselves?

2011-04-20T11:40:00.002+08:00

A well written piece of work about the whole Tin Tin hoo haa right now:
http://veryfinecommentary.tk/articles/tin-pei-ling-new-blood-bad-blood/

One comment at the end of article got me thinking.

"The most glaring aspect about her was her sheer immaturity for a 27-year-old".

It's kinda linked to something I wrote sometime back about education and stuff but never really finished it cause it never really turned out the way I wanted it and therefore, it was never published. -.-

I guess, at that point in time, I couldn't really find what I wanted to say either.

And now that comment helped to shape what I really wanted to say.

That after going through 2 decades of education and meeting weirder and weirder people along the way, I think I realised what is bothering me. People are becoming weirder to me only because our views have become increasingly divergent. Not to put myself on a pedetral, but some people are perhaps as immature and self centered now as they were 5, maybe 10 years ago. And maybe back then, it was alright to be immature and self centred. But as some move on, some have stayed exactly where they were.

Maybe I'm the one who's weird. I'm the one who have changed too much. Or maybe I've never even changed at all.

My expectation that people should change (and for the better) over time could very well be the cause of my decreasing tolerance towards people around me.

I'm irritated when people make insensitive comments.
I'm irritated when people go on and on about things that they can't change, or things they can but they won't.

Cause I believe these are things a person of a certain age should not be doing.

So back to Tin Tin.

Yes, she is only 27.

But she is running to represent not just a school or a CCA anymore. She is running to represent us, Singaporeans. And at that age, even if she did not have the capability, it is not something to criticised about since no everyone is made for politics. But I would at least expect her to know her capabilities.

There are people I've met in Uni who've constantly amazed me with their thinking and capabilities and therefore, I am pretty sure age is not an issue.

But like many other people I've met in Uni, Tin Tin is just plain clueless. And clueless people are the worst. In the near future, they are likely to remain where they are now, simply because they do not have a clue that they need to change. Cluelessness comes with immaturity and what antagonises me is that education cannot change that.

Only the stuff that life puts you through can. And Tin Tin doesn't sound like she has gone through much to become the person that Singaporeans need her to be.

But then again, she is a rather good representation of the (unfortunately large) population of clueless people around today. I've once said to someone, that Tin Tin is the typical arts student I would have expected to meet anyday. But who wants to be represented by the typical?

I think I really should put more time into writing which makes me think coherently.

2011-04-14T23:11:00.003+08:00

My last lecture.
As a full time student.
Ever.

After about 19 years of studying, I am finally almost done.
Good riddance.

And unlike the many "graduations" I had in the past, from primary school, secondary school and JC, this time I am actually graduating. Away from schools and into the real world.

And unlike the many "graduations" I had in the past, this time I have barely any sense of nostalgia.
Instead of chilling with friends and enjoying our last days as students, I spent the better part of the day rushing reports, presentations and what nots.

And with the end of the semester in sight, the end of my reports don't seem as near.

Don't really have any moving words or precious memories to recount.
But I just thought I should mark this moment down.
It's a milestone that I strangely feel nothing for.

this is it

2011-04-08T16:19:00.005+08:00

I'm nearing the last week of my NUS life.
My life as a full time student.
Ever.
The last lecture.
The last tutorial.
The last presentation.
The last project.
The last report.
The last exams.
The last.
The last.

I should feel something.
A sense of nostalgia.
A tinge of sadness for what I am about to leave behind.

But I have barely any time to appreciate the magnitude of this moment.
I'm drowning in work.
And yet, this point in time will never come again.

Soon, I'll have the time to feel a rush of relief.
A sense of achievement.
The time where I can probably go "whoa, I made it".

But it will be different.
How do you feel a sense of disbelief that something is ending when it's already over?
That feeling can only be captured now.

Which is why I am writing this now.
To capture a fleeting moment in time, when looking back, I know I would wish I had more time to feel.
Or maybe, abrupt endings could just very well be better than going through the pain of wishing that something will never end.

I'm torn between wishing it will be over soon and wishing it will never end.

end of the world

2011-03-15T21:15:00.003+08:00

Just a very random thought.
All the recent news and hoo-haa over the supposedly end of the world.
I can't really be half-assed bothered to do proper research.
But from really sloppy googling, i gathered it was derived from some biblical sources.

Got me wondering.
Are the christians out there eagerly awaiting their premature death, thereby proving their holy scared book oh-so-right?
Or are they doubting this prediction, thereby doubting their very own faith?

I guess an easy middle ground would be to write this Harold Camping (I don't know if I even remember his name correctly. And still can't really be half-assed bothered to find out) off as a nut job, interpreting the bible in whatever way to suit his motive and purpose.

But then again, doesn't this just prove that holy books are full of human interpretation, with none anymore accurate than the last? Then who is anyone to say who gets to heaven and who rots in hell?

overrated education

2011-03-04T23:08:00.003+08:00

I hate writing papers. Period.

There's just something immensely stiffling about churning out papers about topics that have been written to death and bores me to death.

There must be something I am not getting about academic papers (I am sooooo not academia material) because all I see are people trying to write papers about something new while whining about how other people's papers are oh-so-lacking but end up concluding that their own precious papers are lacking in this and in that and generally not that much more awesome either.

It's kinda like going...

---

Hey, I've invented this awesome pen that, makes your handwriting wonderfully beautiful no matter how you scratch and scribble! This is like a million times better than all the other pens which only allows you to write and stuff (bleh!).

And to tell you how wonderfully awesome this pen is and also to show how HARD I've worked at making it come true, I shall cite a million reasons why other pens suck and of course I'll go into excruciating details that most of you won't understand or even read anyway. And of course there will be technical details like the chemical composition of ink, the effect that gravity has on ink flow, the pressure and movement exerted by the user and shit.

And if you actually reached the conclusion (or skipped to it, more likely), I will humbly tell you that hey, my pen has its downsides too. It only comes in one colour - faint, pale, can't be seen yellow and can only be used when the temperature is a cooling 17.7 degrees, +/- 1 degree. Its effectiveness at making your handwriting beautiful? Well, the pen was only tested on a group of 5 individuals with pretty awesome handwriting to begin with, so results may not be applicable to all.

In conclusion, I'll recommend that more research be done in this area, and perhaps the issue can just be resolved by replacing writing with typing. But as of right now, the existing pens (which I said are crappy earlier) are probably sufficient and my new pen is awesome if anyone ever wants to write in yellow.

---

Yea I know that if the whole world thinks like me, any form of knowledge or discovery or valuable stuff like that will cease to exist. I guess my point is that reviewing/writing papers is an extremely painful process that's not everyone's cup of tea. It's sincerely a waste of my time. And my life.

Argh.

Papers, reports.... I don't even know what is college doing for me anymore. Or what it has done.

Aimless. Unmotivated. Now I know why Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of colleg.e

2011-03-02T00:58:00.004+08:00

I know you need me and I think you may even love me, but you don't care about me.

-Cuddy to House

I think I finally understand now.

driving woes

2011-02-28T22:04:00.002+08:00

So much for my blog-once-a-week plan.

But well, a rare stroke of inspiration hit me on my way home.

I was just parking my car when 2 other cars happened to be around.
1 was parking, 1 was waiting to pass by.
I had my fair share of irritation while waiting for impossibly slowwww parkers and this wasn't exactly one of them.
But the way the guy who was waiting drove away was one of pure impatience and perhaps even an air of arrogance.

Ya I could just be reading WAY too much into it. I mean, it's just some guy driving some car right? What's with the interpretation of vibes and all.

But it got me wondering.

How much can you tell about a person from the way he/she drives?

Truth be told, I've always been slightly turned on by guys who can drive. (Maybe it has something to do with some prehistoric unevolved gene when girls swoon over men who conquered and tamed their stallions.)

Anyhow, though guys who can drive appear sexier to me, I tend to label guys who drive slowly and cannot park as losers and guys who drive too fast and recklessly (think taxis and people with fetish for tailgating) as... well, most of the time, I just feel like shooting them.

Granted, I appear to be a little sexist but I've a tendency to label women as "women drivers" and that label alone is the trump card to explain any weird/dangerous/hopeless driving habits.

Harsh (and not at all nice) but hey, I can't really help that I am quick to judge.

So, is a careful and patient driver also a sensitive and considerate man?
Is a daredevil driver who's full of himself also a rude and chauvinistic man?

Personally, any driver who's a b****** on the roads, can't be all that great as a person.

Be nice on the roads!

Topic: What’s something you never believed until you experienced it?

2011-02-09T22:31:00.001+08:00

That I would ever have someone like you (:

Topic: describe the one who got away

2011-02-06T18:34:00.002+08:00

I realised I haven been blogging all that much.
At least not posts that I would actually publish anyway.
I have been writing stuff that are either things that I don't want people to read (mwahahha) or thoughts that are not at all well refined or boring.
Bottomline - NO inspiration.

And I realised wordpress has this Post A Week 2011 thingy going at http://dailypost.wordpress.com/

They give you topics and all.
Awesome!

So today's topic is:

Describe the one who got away.
It could be a person, a thing, an idea, anything.

At first glance, I thought that the topic had to refer to someone, but it doesn't!
That would be hardly interesting right? =P

Coincidentally, I've been thinking alot these days about the one part of my life that got away.
My uni life in fact.
Up till now, in my pri, sec and jc life,
there has always been something I could look back fondly and think to myself, 'hey, i did that'.
Maybe not so much in my pri school, but there was SJAB in AHS and 26/05 in TJC and even friends aside, I felt that I had taken away something from these periods, even though I can't exactly put a finger or name to it.

But now that I am almost halfway out my uni gates, I can't say I've done enough, seen enough... milked the last journey of my education enough.
Isn't it ironic that when I can actually start to choose what I want to study instead of what I have to, together with more freedom and less boundaries and stuff, I end up feeling more empty and lost?
Maybe it's true that Spore's education has been too rigid, I've been too protected and spoon fed that given the freedom that the real world offers, I can't seem to function right.

And then I think of Steve Jobs who dropped out of college cause he couldn't see the value of a college education and didn't want to waste his parents' money and Mark Zuckerberg who dropped out of Harvard, and I get this terrifying thought that I may have just spent the last 4 years of my life studying to realise that I don't really see the point of it at all. Even though I mugged a LOT harder in the past then I ever did in uni, I remember actually liking some of the things I was mugging for. The only things I could remember I enjoyed doing in uni had nothing whatsoever to do with studying at all.

Every semester is way too short, we have way too much to learn in way too little time.
I scrape by my tutorials week to week and rush to meet deadlines to reports, assignments and tests.
I don't have time to internalise stuff I was learning and mugging for exams which used to take weeks and even months have to be done in days.
Am I just finding excuses? Am I learning things too slowly?

To put it bluntly, I may have just spent my last 4 years and money "buying" a piece of certificate. Which can supposedly get me places.

Maybe one day I will appreciate the value of that paper.
But right now, I am just glad graduation's round the corner.

i came, i saw, i conquered

2011-01-24T08:04:00.003+08:00

Now that I conquered Mount Kinabalu,
I can tell myself that when it gets down to it, I can do anything. (:

So go away fears, insecurities and worries,
even a mountain can't beat me =P

(ya I know it's not Mount Everest... but still... highest peak in SEA ok!)

2011-01-09T01:04:00.002+08:00

Continuing in the spirit of my last post, if everything falls into place as it is in my head now, I should complete also these this year:

1. Take horse riding lessons

2. Conquer Mount Kinabalu

3. Join some 10km run

4. Tour USA

5. Volunteer at Salvation Army (something totally random which I thought of one afternoon on a bus)

revelation

2011-01-04T13:01:00.003+08:00

Hmm..

Should I MUG like mad for my last sem (even if doing so (most likely) won't guarantee a first class)..

Or...

Just do all the stuff I wanted to do in NUS but never got around to doing?

1. Kayaking
2. Diving
3. Muay Thai
4. Trek/hike/ some overseas outdoor thingy

Now that I list it like this, the answer seems pretty clear.

Afterall, if the world ends in 2012, who will care about some lousy cert right?

new year resolutions

2011-01-02T11:10:00.001+08:00

I have already failed at one of them, but I should jot them down for the hell of it:

1. Procrastinate less
2. Be nicer to people
3. Tear my walls down

2010 in a nutshell

2010-12-28T11:27:00.006+08:00

If I were ever going to be asked the question - if there's one year in your life you would like to relive again, what would it be?

After 22 years, my answer will undoubtly be 2010.

I've learnt that it is really true that though life must be lived forwards, it can and will only make sense when looking backwards.

My 2010 started out in perhaps the worst way any year in my life has ever started out. My heart was ripped out and stomped upon and for a long while I felt as though I could never really be the same again. Like all physical scars, the pain wore off after a while but the reminders of those falls linger and everytime I see those scars, I can remember how and why they happened.

But now I can say that when life reaches a lowest low, it only means that everything can only go from there.

Went on my second trip to Bintan resorts and this time around, I was smart enough to stay in the shade at all times to prevent the pains of sunburnt. Great company and money well spent.

As usual, the semesters and modules went by in a haze. Every semester I wait for my results to determine if I should fight for a first class or settle for a second, and every semester seem to just push that decision to the next semester. As of now I need to get a perfect 5 in order to get a first class. So....

Either because of the choice of modules or just pure weariness, I started distanting myself from alot of my coursemates. Maybe this was long overdue, afterall our similarities stand few and far between. Or maybe alot of my closer friends have been made through intense shared experiences like SJAB trainings and YEP trips that I can no longer connect with people I don't really have a shared history of sorts with.

Had several SJAB gatherings and they always give me the comfort that friendships made in our younger days are always going to be strong and pure, something which cannot be tainted by time. Our defences can be down and it's as though the years have never really passed.

Had a rather uneventful internship.

Joined a green competition and got first place!

Went on a trip to Taiwan with some club in NUS. Spent my second birthday in a row overseas. Made some close friends but I can say we've more or less lost touch. Maintaining friendships can really be a bitch.

And after 7 semesters of projects, I finally found a project group where everyone pulled their weight and it's amazing what we can achieve. They gave me hope that some people can still be relied upon to actually do work.

By a strange twist of events, I ended up having a lead to YEP team to Laos and I can't remember the occurences that led to me approaching Ivy as my co-leader. Which is by far the second luckiest thing to happen to me this year. I think I lack far too much confidence to be a true leader and I've learnt a LOT of Ivy and couldn't be more grateful I had her by my side.

Planning this trip was really an ordeal and I really wonder why I never experienced any of these in the past trips I've been on, even on Baray. At some point in time, I've reached the stage where I truly regretted agreeing to lead the trip and felt like an extreme failure. I dreaded going on the trip and even sometimes during the trip, I couldn't wait for the entire thing to be over.

And at last it was, and reading the affirmation letters that were written to me touched me completely and thoroughly. I realised that knocking my own walls down and letting out everything I've so desperately try to keep in can be a great relief for myself and also to others. I didn't realise the true impact of what a simple sharing can do.

Everything really fell into place once the trip started. From the appearance of translators to the smooth running of events and the sudden ignition of passion of our team, I really couldn't ask for anything more. And not forgetting the luckiest event of the year when I found the person I believe I've been looking for.

And so, after 5 YEPs, I can truly declare that I am done. At least for now. Volunteering is something I will keep doing and I think a true impact can only truly be made if more time is invested, something which is difficult for projects based overseas. I realised I find more satisfaction in impacting my team members rather than the community overseas.

Cliche as it may be, everything does happen for a reason. And when the reason becomes clear, you'll just be glad to be alive (:

Goodbye 2010. You've a special place in my heart!

Melon

2010-11-29T19:50:00.005+08:00

I was never really a soft toy person.
I used to have like a whole drawer of soft toys and I couldn't really care about any of them.
Minus a Tweety Bird one which was like my soulmate for the 5-7 year old me. Heh.

And yest, I bought a huge ass soft toy from Ikea. Damn that place. I always end up buying random stuff from there everytime I vist.

But this soft toy is just TOO CUTE.
I swear this little ang moh girl was plotting a plan to steal my soft toy away when she saw it in our trolley.

That little black thing over there is my HP. Which shows how huge ass this soft toy is. Longer than my bolster!

Oh, and i named it Melon.

HAHA.

"It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!"

Heh. I just realised the bedsheet's full of dolphins. How ironic.

ang moh mia?

2010-11-14T12:22:00.003+08:00

MY has been trying to get an english name for her work for some time now.
At our JC outing yest, she urged us to all start thinking of one before we start work lest our ang moh boss murders our impossibly chinese names.

All 5 of us there didn't have any english names (is an indo name counted as english?) and 2 decided there wasn't a need to get one.

I've always wondered about having an english name. Would have saved me previous seconds trying to repeat my name to every new person I meet.

I used to like the name Jessica. But it just seems kinda dated and lame now.
Jessie is an interesting twist but it kinda sounds like a dog's name =X

Having lived without an english name for 22 years of my life, I have difficulty finding something which I can identify with. I mean, if I get this new name, I have to respond to it for the rest of my life. I have to get a name which describes who I am and how I feel about myself when I am not exactly sure of who exactly I am and how I feel about myself changes day to day (maybe even minute to minute).

All I know is, I want a one syllabus name (as of now that is). And while in the shower, I thought of Kate.

Why Kate?

Kate is pretty uncommon in Singapore.
Kate is not overly fancy nor boring (Katie is overly cute-ish).
I don't know any Kates so it won't be weird.
It starts with K!
Kate Moss used to date Johnny Depp (teeheehee)

HAHA. Am I a Kate??

for the sake of blogging

2010-11-14T11:58:00.002+08:00

My blog seems totally dead.
It's not that I have not been blogging.
There are tonnes of unpublished posts
And they are likely to stay that way =P

Nothing really eventful happened.
Random outings, random lunches and dinners,
frustration with school and an impossibly annoying person.
Little things that keep me going.

If there's one thing I have to complain,
it's that exams are a week away and I find it impossible to focus on work,
has been this way all semester.
I think my brain degenerated. Or decomposed. Or something.
Argh.

You either get this post,
or you don't (:

2010-10-22T16:14:00.001+08:00

There are just some damn days I want to hide away from the world.

Dee for dreadful

2010-10-13T23:09:00.003+08:00

Take:

1. Talking and fighting deer from Narnia
2. Bad hair from Star Wars
3. Scarecrow induced hallucinations from Batman Begins
4. Backdrops from LOTR
5. Cockroach-like bugs from The Mummy / Fear Factor
6. Albino man from The Da Vinci Code
7. Overlooking city scene from Spiderman
8. Plot from Sherlock Holmes
9. Crazy hair from The Bride with White Hair
10. Gazillion arrows from Heroes

Put all these together and you more or less get Detective Dee And The Mystery of the Phantom Flame.

An accurate summary is probably that it turns out not to be the epic (or at least halfway decent) olden day chinese film I had expected, but rather, a parody of the above mentioned films worthy of Disaster Movie.

I switched off the TV after 5 minutes of Disaster Movie because, well, life was too short.

The only reason why I sat through 2 hours (YES, 2 hours), even after the talking deer's appearance at 15 minute, was that I paid $7.50 for the sad excuse of a show.

Maybe I shouldn't have wasted my money AND time.

If people thought that Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen was bad... they haven't seen anything yet...

The Smiths

2010-10-11T10:30:00.002+08:00

Will: Why are you always smiling?

Grandma: Cause I've a purpose.

Will: What's that?

Grandma: To make everything I touch better.

*pokes Will*

Grandma: See? All better.

Greatness stands at the edge of destruction.

put your hands up

2010-10-08T14:08:00.004+08:00

Haven had time to write anything here for some time now.

There's just so many things to do and I am slowly wearing thin.

So many things I want to do but so little time to give each task the time they deserve.

Seems weird to talk about tasks as though they are people, but I guess all tasks involve people. And I don't have time for all these people.

I am tired of talking, thinking, doing and never having some.. answers.

I ask, I wonder, I talk, I question. But there are never any answers.

Why people act they way they do. Why things happen the way they did.

Is it me? Is it them? Is it us?

Do I change the world?

Or do I change myself?

Which is easier?

Is asking that even the right question?

Sometimes I don't even feel like talking.

Because there are no answers.

Because noone's asking the right questions.

Everyone dreams of changing the world, but noone dreams of changing themselves.

2010-09-04T23:31:00.003+08:00

I feel really realllly reallllly tired.
And I dont quite know what to do with myself.
Sometimes I feel too old for my age.
Too tired.
Too jaded.

I've only interviewed people twice in my life.
Once 2 years ago, once just this week.
I don't know if I have grown within these 2 years,
but I think I have changed.

I think more, wonder more, and somehow, am more confused.
There were people who were so... bland, that I can hardly remember them nor know what to make of them.
It was like... no matter what questions I asked, the answers I got were general, generic, normal.

And then I would try to break the monotonous by asking about a life changing moment in their life, but only to find out that there were none.

I used to write these people off, dump their forms into the pile of unsuccessful applicants and that's that.

But now, I feel strangely affected by these people. I wonder if I ever appeared like that to others and how many people out there are like that. Bland, normal, someone who will leave people and places with nothing more than a vague memory that someone (could have been anyone) was there.

And those with no life changing moments to speak of, well, they bore me. We once took in a girl just because of a life story she shared with us. It made her human, left her mark on us. I found her intriging and felt like I want to really know her. If someone had no moments to talk about, then he/she has never felt pain nor sorrow. And that just makes he/she seem less real.

Then there was the rare, occasional idealists. And I wonder if I was ever like that. All about saving the world and believing in dreams.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about the things I do because that's what people want to hear and not because I really give a damn. I hate feeling that way.

I am really rambling and this probably doesn't make any sense.

4 weeks madness

2010-09-04T10:39:00.003+08:00

The madness is semi-over. Before I drown in work again, I better get some chance to gloat.

BCA-CDL Green Sparks Competition 2010

We made it! I don't know how but we did it.
From the initial fears of not even being able to make it through the first round...
... to the relief of at least getting $1k...
... to the hopes of winning top 3...
... to the dashing of those hopes when we saw the TP teams...
... to the anticipation of being able to win again through some crazy psychoing from each other and seeing imaginary signs of us winning...
... to the results announcement of the consolation prizes (with 3 teams having the same first name as us)...
... to the last consolation prize (NOT us)...
... to the 3rd prize (NOT us)...
... to the 1st prize...

AND BOOM. IT's US (((((:

I am just glad this whole ordeal (yes, ordeal) ended on a high note. In the end, everyone (well, almost) pulled together and made it.

The winning team: kenix, eng kiat, xiangmin, fiona, zoe, lye meng, isaac, angeline, jian an and moi.

Press release from BCA!
http://www.bca.gov.sg/Newsroom/pr01092010_GS.html

Woohoo. My green portal played its part =D

Design Project

Probably the best project group I ever worked in. No slackers and we all complimented one another.

Despite the horrendously long hours in school, the deteriorating eyesights, the despair, the stupid autocad, the idiotic sidra, the skipping of lessons, the abandonment of every other module, the lack of food, the constant supervision of the pc cluster guy who insists we can't eat and drink in the cluster....

our drawings managed to impress and the questionings wasn't as horrible as imagined. On the contrary, it was quite an informal event where we ended up laughing at stupid mistakes and how none of us really wanted to claim credit for anything. (To quote prof chin "so this sign just magically appeared?")

Project E.M.P

Interviews are over at last. Though many people just didn't appear for the interview but those who did were good enough. Our interview criteria is probably different from others and even from the one I had before but we will see. Changes in progress.

More projects and deadlines ahead. More thoughts to post but not in the mood right now.

bz as a b

2010-08-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

The first 3 weeks of schools, to put it mildy, has been crazy.

I had a rude wakening when I realised my design project will last only 4 weeks (read: 4MCs in 4 weeks === 24/7 in lab) and my supposedly free-er days suddenly evaporated.

Coupled with BCA competition and YEP stuff, I am trying to catch up with my commitments as effectively as if I were to catch air.

I hadn't even had time to think about anything other than what I have to do, lest to write anything.

Been blog hopping and I realised I have a tendency to go through histories and histories of people's blogs once I get hooked (even if I have no idea who they are). But I go through years of posts in way too little time and then I need to find more stuff to read and then I just end up with toooo many blogs I have read before and I end up forgetting which ones are worth revisiting or even end up forgetting they exist. Which kind of bug me if the writing has been really good cause I may never visit the blog again if I don't remember it exists!

Just a pile of rambling which makes me appear like I have a lot of free time o_O

But I don't. Doing 1 tutorial and 3/4 of an assignment has taken me all day. But at least I managed to get through it (:

Back to work.

if you're happy and you know it...

2010-08-18T00:07:00.004+08:00

Quote by Immanuel Kant - “Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for."

I think I have a weird problem.

I think I am addicted to doing things which I think will make me happy instead of just being happy.

I studied hard all my life to get good grades thinking it will get me to where I want to be and I will be happy.

But I am not happy studying so hard. And good grades only make me happy for at most.. a day?

I travel, join events, learn stuff, thinking the achievement will make me happy.

But I become impossibly busy and I am not happy doing what I signed up for.

I went into a relationship thinking another person will be able to make me happy.

But I realised I was not happy in or out of that relationship.

And I am sure the list goes on.

Maybe being happy means being happy even doing what you are doing to become happy.

Maybe there's a gene for happy and I am missing it.

don't we all

2010-08-15T14:08:00.000+08:00

I was parked in front of the mail wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum.

From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t want to be bothered” times.

“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought. He didn’t. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus.

After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car,” he said. He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keeps more than his face warm. I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea of money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, “Ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “Yes” but I held true to the inner voice. “Do you need any help?” I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments.

I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me. “Don’t we all?” he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.

Don’t we all?

I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached within my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help.

Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos that only you through a torn world can see. Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more that that.

Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul to comfortable in themselves.

Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed like a bum, then said, “Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.” Don’t we all?

--http://encrypte.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-07-30T18%3A04%3A00%2B08%3A00&max-results=5

August 2010 (Part 1)

2010-08-10T18:40:00.005+08:00

2-3th Aug
Bintan with the gang! This time I hid in the shade. No sunburnt! ((:
Connecting rooms are awesome. Watching ridiculous local dramas and playing a SUPER MINI monopoly is certainly a wonderful way to nua.

5th Aug
Lunch with Yan and Bedok's pizza hut. Can't remember the last time I was there. Perhaps during JC times. Nostalgia. It is nice and quiet though.

6th Aug
Movie with Dan. I felt so burnt out by my internship ppt that we went home after the movie at 8pm+ on a friday night. Like some old lady.

7th Aug
Lunch with MY, Vita, JW, HX at Aston. JW's dog is UBER cute. I need to get myself one. Someday.

And since my hols are over, to revisit my to-do list...
1. try dragon boating! FAIL
2. get a one star kayaking cert FAIL
3. ~~dabble in photography~~/photoshop SEMI-FAIL
4. ~~do internship~~
5. win BCA competition! IN PROGRESS
6. win S bridge competition! FAIL
7. ~~complete vertical marathon~~
8. ~~plan YEP~~
9. ~~go have fun, I mean, go for an industrial visit in Taiwan~~
10. ~~catch up with people (yes you, you and you)~~
11. ~~Put something down~~
12. ~~Explore Saturday dining options~~
13. ~~Get off the virtual world and live in the real~~

Not as bad as I thought! But now I want to...

14. Plan grad trip
15. Take up muay thai
16. Learn horse riding
17. Scrapbook my overseas trips

Mwahaha. Will need 3 lifetimes to get things done.

July 2010 (Part 2)

2010-08-10T18:37:00.002+08:00

Haven had time to update my blog and I doubt I will have any time to do that for some time to come so here's a super summary:

7th July
Dinner with SSR and TB at saizeriya at liang court. It is fast becoming my favourite food hang out ever since NYDC....

12th July
Dinner with Jie Hui and Thao at Handburger.

16th July
Dinner with Hanxi at TM. Met HY also to discuss Indo trip. Movie with HY.
A revelation and another load off my mind.

18th July
High tea with Yan at equinox. Awesome view but the weather was crap. Food was good but there's not enough time to grab everything from the buffet tables! And this kueh squirted brown sauce all over me o_O

22-29th July
Taiwan trip! Awesome! Another post for another day. Maybe.

30th July
Lunch with Vita, JW, HX and to grab tix for Bintan.

memories

2010-07-31T14:02:00.002+08:00

You know how some songs just come on the radio,
songs you haven't heard in so long you forgot you remembered the lyrics until you started singing along.

And you felt young again.
You remembered how life was simpler back then when you first heard that song.

You think about how the song used to be just another catchy tune,
but now you hear the lyrics and feel a certain way the younger you never could have felt.

And you wonder what else in your life you could have forgotten,
forgotten until the day someone or something jolts you out of your slumber.

And it's like nothing has ever changed,
and you wonder how you could have forgotten.

expectations beget disappointments?

2010-07-21T18:16:00.004+08:00

Caught Toy Story 3 and Inception.

Wasn't planning to watch Toy and didn't expect anything but I was pleasantly surprised. Gotta love those short clips at the start of the movie.

As for Inception, I heard so much hype about it, going on about how it was a really smart movie and such. I don't know if I am too stupid to get the deepness of it or what, but it was just ok to me. Actually almost fell asleep towards the end of the show. Not that it wasn't exciting, but after a while... It was kinda repetitive. Explosives, kicks, Molly...

Oh well.

More hype, more expectations, more disappointments.

Should stop putting things on pedestals.

On a sidenote, Dan was hiding behind the potato chips and squealing and giving free commentary every now and then. hahah. Hilarious.

i judge

2010-07-20T21:06:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I make an opinion about someone based on whether they hold the doors and let me exit the lift first.

Sometimes, I wonder if I judge too quickly.

Are you listening, or just preparing to speak

2010-07-20T14:40:00.001+08:00

"I think in our rush to argue and dissent these days, we have lost the art of listening. By that, I mean listening to truly understand the other person, not listening to agree or disagree, but simply listening to understand. "

Excellent article on what it means to listen:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russell-bishop/self-help-personality-are_b_650627.html

"It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
- Kenneth A. Wells

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
- Winston Churchill

2010-07-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

Ok.

Submitted my FYP and design project choices.

Now it's up to fate.

Something I learnt today -
While it is nice to have someone around,
it doesn't mean we should just settle for anyone.

I wish she could see that.

story of the broken wing and the kite that flew away

2010-07-18T00:08:00.006+08:00

Our rare few squad outings!

Funny how we only seem to meet up many years (3-4?) after our graduation.

But I am glad we did. Nothing seems to have changed much ((:

After going through tonnes of crap with a bunch of people for 4 years, there's nothing much we have not seen of each other.

Anyhow,

we met at city hall to grab some snacks at carrefour, before heading to marina barrage for kite flying!

But so much for that.

We had 2 kites, one of which FLEW AWAY after 15-20 minutes while the other one broke before even leaving the ground.

HAHA. Epic.

So we ended up sitting on ponchos (reminiscent of good old nco camp days) and eating away.

And cam whoring.

And somehow we had the luck of catching some ndp rehearsal action!

Airplanes, night sky and fireworks!

After which, we WALKED all the way to marina bay mrt (managed to get there faster than the bus. accomplishment of the day) and ate dinner at 85.

Cool night for a walk and wonderful food and company all around.

Hilarious how the settling of dinner money became a game of pass the coins. Combined with some screaming at each other on whether to use notes, coins or ibank over amounts like 50cents and $1.

Pictures on FB!

On the way home, sihui and I talked about worklife (been doing a lot of that to many different people) and I made her promise to pull me in if she ever want to start an events company.

I am increasingly suffocated by office life. People tend to either work for money or meaning. And now, there's neither meaning or money to my job.

But then again, we agreed that we probably shouldn't plan so far lest the world ends in 2012.

On a random sidenote, I am addicted to this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U

sing for me

2010-07-11T17:32:00.002+08:00

Dishwalla's songs are just so melancholic and nostalgic.

Angels and Devils

"The angels they burn inside for us
The devils they burn inside of us
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQLbYvjG_j8

Candleburn

"Take me over when I'm gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when I'm gone
Will they burn for me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjfpyiyVQ00&feature=related

July 2010 (Part 1)

2010-07-10T16:51:00.002+08:00

1 July
Met up with someone. I don't know why but I am controllably irritated whenever that happens.

Maybe it was the things that someone said, maybe it was the way someone said it.

Maybe it's me.

Till I figure it out, I don't think I can meet with someone again.

5 July
Dinner at the Wongs' house with Junil.

Love that girl. Everytime we hang out, it's like 3 years ago, when life was simpler.

She's the type of person I know I probably will never met again as the world turns ugly, and is the type of person I wish I am lucky enough to know more of.

She is the eptiome of the real friendship we make when we are young and lament about for the rest of our lives why adult relationships can't be the same.

Anw, I digress.

We happily ordered pizza to the wongs' place, only to realise we ordered enough for 6-8 people when there were only going to be 4 of us o_O

But food was good and company was great.

I was amused at how everything in the house had to be fold-and-hide, so that after dinner, the table and chairs were immediately cleared and folded and tucked behind the sofa and hidden at every corner of the house. Ah well.. Condos.

Drank some awful sounding Mini Tuo tea (which kept me up for a while), had an evening walk and it was home sweet home.

It may well be another year before another gathering like this will take place again.

Till then (:

June 2010 (Part 4)

2010-07-10T16:14:00.002+08:00

25 June
Dinner with MY. Had quite a nice time eating pizza at Pasir Ris Park sometime ago so decided to do it again.

Mistake.

Got attacked by some flying stuff and I think I am getting too old for stuff like these (last time it was night cycling, now this.. sigh).

It was kinda difficult to eat pizza while sitting on a metal pole trying not to fall, keeping an eye for aiai, prevent flying stuff from eating my pizza and talking.

Shall stick to a restaurant next time.

Just when we finally got throught the multi-tasked dinner, MY had to clean up aiai's crap (literally).

And almost gave me a heart attack when she was dumping all the rubbish away.

She encountered a cockroach and shrieked so loudly at the exact moment I was trying to pick aiai to save her from stepping into (probably bugs infected) soil that I thought I accidentally murdered her in the process

Drama drama.

Needless to say, we left.

But had a nice long chat in the car at her MY's void deck.

She's now happily spreading horror stories about my internship dept people to her friends while I am tasked to slap her if she ever turns out like that.

Or maybe I am just supposed to remind her, not slap her. Hmm.. Nvm, not that important =D

30 June
Dinner with MY at Kenny Rogers. I think I am going to swear off the food there for a while.
Their clam chowder in the bread thingy? I don't think it's designed to be finished.

I should swear off overeating. Period.

i rest my case

2010-07-10T15:32:00.001+08:00

Stupid.

The freaking problem behind all the internet fiasco?

A loose cable at Singtel.

What can I say?

C.U.I.

help me see

2010-07-09T11:00:00.005+08:00

I am slowly going blind ):

And while the spec shops salesgirl was fixing up my 3rd pair of contacts since 2007,

she told me some interesting stuff.

I don't really know if she remembers me (or just referred to my records and looked at the years or something) but we started talking about how fast time was passing by.

How I was almost graduating and how she used to be the youngest and freshest girl in the shop.

But now, it's no longer the case for her, having been there for 7 years.

I can't judge since I don't know her all that well, nor anything about her dreams or vision of her life,

but I felt for her.

I can't imagine myself working in a spec shop (nor in my office now for that matter) for 7 years and not having something to show for it.

Schooling have trained me to achieve grades and certificates, and I think I am addicted to those little tokens.

But work is never to going to be all that clear cut, is it?

Everytime I whined about work to my mom and how tragic working life appears for everyone (the office people, those hawker aunties and uncles frying things night and day, weeks after weeks after months...) and all she tells me is how work is work, and money needs to be made. As if it is an absolute truth. An unchangable fact of life.

I don't believe that.

I once had a colleague back at MOE who talked about how he, like all young people, wanted to change the world at some point in their life, only to realise, as they aged, that it was never really going to happen. That the job they end up doing is probably not going to be all that great nor inspirational.

I heard that when I was 19.

And I didn't believe that.

I thought to myself "what a sad man", and believed that I WAS one day, going to change the world.

3 years on, I still believe that.

But I am not getting any closer to it, nor do I have any plans to get closer to it.

Closing on 22, the one-day-I-will-do-it is now.

Suddenly the job I had secured 3 years ago seems a burden, a weight, an anchor tying me down.

I've heard stories, seen people (in real and reel life) lament about a life gone by, things undone, a time passed by.

Suddenly, 4 years seems too long.

I will most certainly get by, learn things, pick up experiences.

But what if I forget how to live?

4 years in my twenties are not going to be the same as any 4 years in my fourties or sixties.

I have a list of things I want to do this holiday and I realised with a crashing revelation that I haven done half of them, and holidays are inevitably coming to an end.

What if this becomes the story of my life?

As the salesgirl went on to tell me about the pros and cons of hard lenses (which will prevent me from going blind),

she told me about a theory her christian friend had.

I once had a theory about why time goes by faster as we aged (I probably mentioned it some blog posts ago), but her friend thought differently.

Her friend believed that the seemingly faster pace at which time passes by is a sign of the end of the world.

My first thought was "hmmm, in that case, maybe I don't really need new contacts after all".

But I told the salesgirl not to think too much, lest it leads to madness, and we laughed it off.

And though it was a very short conversation, it was the first real conversation I had all day.

All day long I was in a real estate course, surrounded by people from my company, and every single one of them were passionate and excited about the real estate market, the cycle, the trends, the money.

I don't know all that much about these things, and I realised I couldn't really care (guess where all the abovementioned doubts about my future job came from).

All these things seem really, for the lack of a better word, shallow.

They are not really going to matter when the world (or our lives, whichever first) ends, is it?

All day long I was talking to people I (increasingly realised) didn't really care about, about things I didn't care about.

A working scholar told me at the end of the course that despite all her complaints, our company is not all that bad, it was only just as bad as any other.

The job I was once looking forward to, is now, just another job.

I don't really feel like I belong.

Then again, where do I belong.

Is my dear old mom right?

My belief is wavering.

But I certainly hope not.

2010-07-09T10:40:00.003+08:00

People are so strange.

They blame a sea creature for the fall of a great football nation.

Actual news headlines - "Psychic squid betrays Berlin by sucking up to Spain in World Cup"

??

Maybe we can now push the blame for global warming, terrorism, economic crisis, oil spills, flooding, vandalism all onto the squid.

Then make sushi with it.

Then our problems will all disappear!

-----

What do you mean no?

*scratches head*

singtel oh singtel

2010-07-05T15:44:00.003+08:00

Chronicles of the screw-up:

29 June: Internet down. Decide to be optimistic and wait a day.

30 June: Call singtel. After waiting for 10 minutes to hear an actual human's voice, troubleshooting for 30 minutes (seriously, have these troubleshooting EVER work?), the helpline guy gave up and asked me to change the phone cable and call back if it doesn't work.

30 June (after changing cable): DOES NOT WORK (duh). Too pissed and tired to call back.

1 July: Call back. Demand for technical staff to come and fix the damn thing. Freaking person doesn't believe I've tried all their troubleshooting crap and asked me to hold so she "can clarify".

Satisfied with her check, freaking person informs me technical staff can only come on Monday.

I damn near had a fit.

2-4 July: No freaking internet.

5 July, morning: Technical staff comes and tells my brother what the problem is - our internet line is cut off.

WTH? WHY IS IT CUT OFF? And couldn't ALLLLLLL the staff at singtel told me this in the FIRST FREAKING PLACE?

5 July, noon: Call singtel. staff confirms (after I believe 45 minutes, with more than half of it just holding) that our line is NOT cut off.

5 July, afternoon: Internet still not working.

Wait till I get them at night. Enough shit is enough.

lazy weekend

2010-07-05T08:42:00.003+08:00

Despite the lack of internet,
I managed to spend the entire weekend doing nothing more than
playing l4d, reading harry potter, watching tv,
and snoozing.

I think this is how your life pass you by without you knowing it.

But I made a little revelation about my life.

I am not going to spend it in an office.

i am not connected?!

2010-07-02T09:43:00.004+08:00

The internet in my house is down down down down...

Curse you Mio.

I would actually need to find a way to go through a weekend without internet.

At the risk of sounding like a typical young adult in spoilt, new-age generation, I really can't remember the last time that happened to me.

Maybe I'll clean my room.

Then again, maybe I'll busy myself with the outdated (gasp) PS2.

On a side note, I need to stop overeating and blowing tonnes of cash in the process.

And I really need my phone to stop ringing.

June 2010 (Part 3)

2010-06-27T22:23:00.004+08:00

18 June
Met up with the 26/05 gang at that awesome italian/jap restaurant in liang court (I still can't remember the name, saizariya or something). It's fast becoming my favourite restaurant after NYDC failed me. 5 of us ate tonnes of food and it only came up to $12 each. Did I mention it's awesome?

Ate there, moved on in search of a pub and almost got smothered to death by smoke in the process. Ended up at some pub, found a alcoholic drink that doesn't taste alchoholic (mango martini!), laughed at MY's mini brownie (which is REALLY mini, like bite-size mini), watched some soccer while americans shouted their lungs out when they scored and took the long 12 journey home.

Teresa, MY, Vita, Yen, and I all took 12 home. The back seats kinda felt like a train compartment and these girls I would most certainly not mind travelling with. I love it when you're so comfortable with your friends you can not worry about holding a conversation. So MY and I just snoozed while the rest chatted.

<3

19 June
Mio TV is to the death of me. NEVER EVER GET MIO TV.

Reason #1 - no sense of time
The Mio was supposed to be set up at 4-6pm. They called and asked to come at 9am .

Reason #2 - hopeless service staff

They dont even know what their job scope is. The package I signed up for consist of the TV, the internet and the phone line. They first asked me if I ordered for the internet. Then they ask me why I already have a modem (-_- seriously, who doesn't have a modem at home. TO SURF NET LA IDIOT). Then they tell me "oh.. then I just need to fix the TV, the internet no need to change". Then they started removing all the plugs of my computer (remember when they said they don't have to change the internet?), then they started taking the phone line box thingy apart. Then they freaking realise they can't fix it at that phone line. So after fumbling for an hour, they decide to move to another phone line. When they finally finish taking apart all the connections in my house, they took another 1 hour trying to get the TV channels set up. You know when you switch on the cable and they say "loading in progress"? Well, for Mio, it's PERMANENTLY IN PROGRESS. So it took them till 12pm (remember they came at 930am) to finish setting up. Then I asked the guy about my internet. CAUSE IT IS NOT WORKING AFTER THEY BLOODY TOOK EVERYTHING APART. He said to "call singtel, ask for password, key it in and it will be fine". Then they left.

But IT WAS NOT FINE. I swear he doesn't freaking know how to do half his job.

Reason #3 - calling the service hotline will kill you

"Press 1 for english... Press 2 for ..... Press.... Please key in.... Press...."
Imagine spending 10 minutes before you get to anyone. Then imagine calling more than 10 times. Just imagine...

Reason #4 - the hotline staff will lie to you

They told me on 2 different occasions that they will call me back IMMEDIATELY. They didn't. First time they took an hour. Second time they never did call back.

They told me they can only get a technical staff down on Monday. I called back demanding for an earlier time. They say they can send someone today.

They told me they technical staff will come from 4-6pm. He came at 8pm.

Reason #4 - they screw up a perfectly simple task

Ended up, the bloody staff in the morning was supposed to bring me a new modem but apparently they didn't know. THANKS.

Reason #5 - bloody tv programmes suck

Imagine watching a programme for 5 minutes, then comes the message "connection lost, please wait", and followed by "connection lost, please choose another programme".

THAT'S ONE BLOODY WASTED DAY THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK.

I replaced the stupid set with my starhub cable box. Goodness. Bloody Mio.

20 June
BCA meeting in NUS. People who are supposed to be there either weren't there or left early.

23 June
Another meeting. I think my boundaries for friends should start getting more defined and selective.

24 June
Dinner at Everything with Fries. It's not too bad. But the fries are not that spectacular. I think I am addicted to chilli sauce. Celebrated Sihui's bday with the help of an entertaining waiter.

Whew

2010-06-26T00:07:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of my internship at this department and the BCA competition.

Double relief.

Internship

I spent the better half of the afternoon reading a book (yes, a storybook) and that's after using the majority of this week to do BCA stuff at work. I guess it's an apt ending to this chapter of my life - time is better used somewhere else.

BCA competition

I am nearing madness so I am only too elated that it has ended. Any longer and blood may be spilled.

Today was the epitome of Murphy's law.

I had to print a gazillion pages at work discretely.

But first, the colour printer was not working,
then the other printer printed black and white instead of colour,
then when it finally printed colour, the colour ran out.

So much for discretion. I bugged the admin stuff countless times to rescue me. o_O

This com also gave me the chance to know some people better and I saw sides of them I never would have if I never worked with them.

Some impressed me,
some amazed me (in a good way),
some amazed me (not in a good way),
some irritated me,
some helped me,
some tested me,
some disappointed me,
some are active,
some are passive,
some need a little push,
some move with the speed of a crippled snail,
some seem to just exist to waste my time and/or reduce my lifespan.

Interesting experience indeed.

Now I just wish my phone will stop ringing.

she. her. me

2010-06-17T21:11:00.002+08:00

She longs for connection.
The simple joys of being in the company of loved ones.

She longs for solitude.
The escape from people who talk too much and judge too quickly.

She longs for an answer.
The resolution to the discourse in her mind.

She longs for what's missing.
The piece to the puzzle which can calm the fury in her heart.

June 2010 (Part 2)

2010-06-17T19:42:00.005+08:00

8 June
Dinner with Sihui at Tamp NYDC. Can't believe I've known her for close to a decade now! The catchup was awesome (no handphones used AT ALL). I don't know why but it was just so easy to talk to her. I can't remember most of what we talked about (other than how we randomly decided to go for like 2 trips) but I remember how I felt. The conversation was safe, engaging and there was no need for masks and pretenses. Ahhh.. Old friends. Love.

9 June
Meeting with HR. YES I AM CHANGING DEPARTMENT AS PLANNED ((((:

10 June
Dinner with SSR, SW and TB. Hmm. Another catchup in the works!

11 June
Dinner with HY. The japanese restaurant that sells italian food is awesome. The food is CHEAP, prepared damn QUICKLY and free flow drinks for $2++.

We ordered:

soup
some bread thingy
chicken wings
pasta
pizza
drinks

And it's only $13+ for each of us and all of it came within 10 minute of ordering! OMG.

16 June
Drained. Dealing with people has officially pushed me over the edge. This week alone, I've lost my temper at my work buddy and a project mate. No damages done but what scares me is that I actually enjoyed the outburst. Not to sound sadistic, but it is... liberating. I'm pissed off, I voice it out, we are on the same page, everything is out there. I should totally take this approach more often (in moderation of course).

But seriously, I had it up to here (tip toes, climb on chair and table and gestures to a really high point) with people who talk down to people. I have deepest respect for people whose knowledge and intellect shines through without ever making anyone feel silly or in any way inferior.

Went home with HY and teresa. But I was so drained I could barely muster the energy to even talk.

17 June
Halfway throught the Effective Presentation Skills Workshop which HR happily signed us up for, but I've probably learnt more in today's 8 hours than I've in the past 5 weeks. Though at first I felt really apprehensive about the seemingly daunting presentations we have to do during the course, but the speaker was really engaging (given the nature of the workshop, she HAS to be) and there are some really good pointers. $800 well spent (of course paid by company).

Weird how some of the things taught in the workshop were things I've already been doing in my normal school presentations and yet which are the exact things which my job is preventing me from doing.

My normal presentations: minimal words (if possible), key words which HAVE to be explained by the speaker
My job: flood with content, to quote my buddy "I look at the point, I need to know what you are trying to say"

To be frank, if I can tell you everything I need to in just the slides alone, people won't freaking need to present.

My normal presentations: presenter prepare own slides (like DUH)
My job: prepare slides for boss (and pray she is psychic. And since that's unlikely, end up with problem above)

Highlight of my day: today's speaker saying "presenters should always prepare their own slides".

Truer words have yet to be spoken. *thump chest*

life isn't a multi-tasking competition

2010-06-10T23:41:00.006+08:00

I love multi-tasking.

I do think I depend on it, survive on it, and can't remember the time when I lived without it.

But I'm starting to think people are taking it too seriously.

It's as though they are pushing the boundaries of their attention span, to see how many windows they can open on the desktop, how many gadgets they can use at one time, how little time they can spend doing everything and anything.

But to what end?

People are multi-tasking to get more things done, presumely to get some free time which from what I see, somehow only translates to more multi-tasking.

Where does the line get drawn?

If multi-tasking is simply to get things done quickly so that we can do more things, then the question arises of why then do we need to do so many things?

I admit I am guilty. I try too often to do too many things and never truly getting the satisfaction I believe would come if I were to do less, multi-task less and pay more attention and spend more time on what I AM doing.

I kind of made a revelation over these few weeks of catching up with friends.

My line for multi-tasking get drawn when direct contact with people are involved. And I enjoy catching up most with people who too draw this line while those with people whose lines are blurred, put gently, irritate me.

I do like multi-tasking, but I hate being multi-tasked (and most likely, many feel the same).

Sure, you can update your Facebook status, check your emails, read news , watch a video and play a game all at the same time and none of these programmes are going to feel hurt your attention is split into 10,000 directions at any one time.

But try to mutli-task your friend by talking to 10 at one go, each engaged in a different conversation and chances are, someone is going to be pissed because you're not listening.

An exaggeration, but not far from the truth.

Can you remember the last time you had a meal or a lengthy conversation with somone without a handphone being whipped out in the process?

It's like noone can even be bothered to pause for a second to think of a conversation topic anymore. If noone says anything interesting, then we can all pull out our gadgets to fill in the silence. I mean, who need real friends when you have virtual ones?

It's like having one conversation isn't impressive enough and we have to multi-task with more conversations to better use our time.

But perhaps the reason why our conversations have awkward lulls and unexciting topics is simply due to fact that the other party or both parties are multi-tasking?

I do actually stop trying to continue a conversation with someone who continuously reply smses and return the favour by starting to sms as well. If you can't be bothered, neither can I.

Shocking as it may be, picking up a non emergency call during a conversation with someone is actually considered rude.

But I find phone calls alright, but sending smses (and whatever it is that people do on their phone nowadays) simply cross the line.

If something is truly important, the person will call and not send an sms, and therefore, you need not reply immediately.

If your facebook and twitter feeds are more important than me, I would rather not waste both our time catching up and just stick to virtual updates.

It is bad enough that communication tools such as sms and msn already require minimal attention from the people involved.

But isn't there something wrong if physically being with somone is not even going to be able to warrant their undivided attention?

And this post probably runs the risk of me coming across as a self-absorbed bitch who craves for attention.

But the truth is, I treasure the time I am spending with the people around me (most of them anyway =P), and I wish they feel the same.

my job in a nutshell

2010-06-09T23:46:00.003+08:00

Initial stage:

Read truckload of reports and articles
Read somemore
Form an opinion about what you have read (optional)
If opinion in 3 doesn't put company in a good position, go to step 5
Change your opinion
Pull out evidence from truckload to support opinion "formed" in 5
If data challenges opinion in 5, use pretty words to replace those gloomy, depressing ones. Otherwise, draw flowers
All else fail, burn those data
Google profusely to find data which you need (which most likely does not and will never exist)
Significant time has passed, another truckload of updates have emerged from analysts, journalists, competitors, conferences, talks....
Continue from step 6
Continue process till cows come home OR reaching brink of insanity OR presentation/report is due OR found something more interesting and/or meaningful to do like counting the specks of dust on laptop screen

Vetting stage:

When points are short - "please eleborate more, I don't see the link clearly"
When points are long - "please cut down on the number of words"
When certain points are not included - "please include this, that, and that also, ya this too.."
When points are added in - "I think you can take this out, it's not that important"
Continue process until the presentation/report becomes how the person vetting imagines it to be in the first freaking place but just can't be bothered to do themselves

In short,

you can only have 1 opinion - good
you can do everything in anyway you want, as long as the final results look exactly like how it was intended to be all along

What I have learnt:

Presentors should just do their own presentations
I have yet to find anything I rather not do compared to this

i dont care what you think

2010-06-09T23:27:00.003+08:00

As part of a plan to give me more exposure, my internship was arranged to be at department A for 7 weeks before moving to department B for 3+ weeks.

This was prearranged, long before my internship started.

But now,

my department head would rather I stay throughout my stint to get a more comprehensive experience,

my supervisor-to-be has problems finding something for me to work on for only 3 weeks,

my fellow intern, who is supposed to counterswap with me to go from B to A, has expressed interest in staying at B throughout too.

Another intern happily narrated this to me,

before concluding that my shift from A and B was no longer a likely option.

To which I replied, "but I want to switch."

This garnered a laugh and a "that's too bad".

And so I asked, "why is this my internship and yet everyone has their say but me? Isn't this my problem?"

And it struck me hard.

And it made me wonder.

Why we are entitled to our opinions as long as the issue in question is insignificant?

But when things truly matter, isn't it ironic how we find out that our lives are never truly our own to live.

Keeping the faith

2010-06-06T20:46:00.002+08:00

Just caught this Ben Stiller show called Keeping The Faith. It's kinda old and I've probably watched it several times before.

But that's the thing with movies, you get a new take on it everytime you see it.

I guess it pretty much sums up what I was trying to talk about in my post about religion some time ago.

My brother asked me at the end if it was a true story.

Sadly, I don't really think art imitates life in this instance.

But one can dream right?

June 2010 (Part 1)

2010-06-06T15:33:00.006+08:00

1 June

Original plan to Nandos went to naught thanks to our chronical latecomer Dan. The queue almost went out of Bugis. So we went to NYDC. I still think the chef can't find his bearing ever since the menu (or more importantly the size of the plate. SEEEE... Big plate BETTER. Sigh) changed. I think I am finally cured of any NYDC craving for some time.

Then went over to Koi. Keep seeing people talking about it on FB but didn't understand what's the craze about since bubble tea's not my thing. We waited like 20 minutes for 1 bubble tea. Faints. I was half convinced the swarm of people waiting for their drinks were waiting for buses at a busstop. Yes, it was that many people. Horrors.

I realised I will never queue that long for food. Or drinks. I told Dan I will probably try Nandos a few months later when the attention span of Sporeans wear off. (Remember the bubble tea and donuts craze? ) I mean, if it's THAT good, I am sure it won't close down anytime soon AND there will probably be another one opening soon AND the queue is never going to last forever.

Sounds like a rather gloomy day. Being tired and having low tolerance of lateness is not exactly a winning combination. Sorry Dan if I sounded sulky and grouchy! :)))

Funniest thing all day was seeing this machine at Iluma's arcade. Those claw thingy to catch soft toys and stuff. There was one which has the sign below. I swear it's a damaged machine they just can't be bothered to fix. Seriously. How can 1 claw catch anything!

2 June

Headcount dwindling! Hope we can achieve our desirable results.

Went to a largely empty green exhibition at Suntec. I always pity those events with lousy turnouts. Just feel very bad for them. Oh well.

I wonder if every cent I spend at Suntec somehow makes it way to particular mega church... Hmmm.

I see some interesting development between someone and someone!

3 June
Outing with the 4J gang! Love love. We tried to resume our custom of birthday celebrations. Ah Lee, Char, CY, Stacy and moi. I don't know what's with mexican/spanish food craze that Char has. And you ordered the same thing at Changing Appetities as you did at Chilli's! Funny. And I can't believe Stacy and I shared 2 main courses while the other 3 shared 1 starter and 1 main course. And we all shared waffle ice cream and cake. Talk about FATNESS.

It just weird how the friends you made when you were younger are always going to be the ones closer to your heart? It's like a certain amount of innocence was there when you first knew them and it's never going to be tainted by time?

Or maybe it's just the group of people I meet now are much more different from me (upbringing, experiences etc) but somewhere down the road, I think the people I keep in contact with will be mostly those from my past rather than my present.

Or maybe it's me. Maybe I am too guarded, too damaged, too... old.

4 June
Run run run! I am seriously disturbed that I couldn't continue a conversation and my thighs were aching after 2km. Goodness fatness me.

But somehow the run didn't take very long.

Then we went for hotdogs at Ikea. I love $1 hotdogs! But ended up eating hotdog AND curry puff AND ice cream AND drink. Save money and eat less plan DIDN'T work.

5 June
Sungei Buloh walk. Minus the waking up at 615am and fighting with mozzies with a fluffy towel, it wasn't all that bad. Thank goodness for the company (but not the company which made me go there).

I realised I am caught in a time warp on the train like EVERYDAY. No matter how late I leave my house, I always reach office at approx the same time. And it happened again today! We were going to be late, and then suddenly we were not. It somehow took 15 minutes for the train to travel 4 stops and 10 minutes to travel 8 stops. And none of those stops are particularly shorter or longer than the others. Weird.

I concluded that mudskippers look like sai. And when they hang around a puddle of water, it's just a bit hilarious. In a gross kind of way. Also saw little crabs (horse shoe crabs look like walking shells, what's with the name), some huge ass lizard (can't remember the name) and many plants which all apparently are good for us in some way or another. But no otters. I want to see them build houses. Bleh.

There was the cutest boy on the trip. Shy and unspoilt. All kids should be like that.

And I saw what it means when they talk about boys and their toys. There was this professional photographer on our trip with those huge ass pro looking camera and plenty of gadgets. With all of those toys, he was having the hugest problem keeping his eyes off HY's white camera. He finally gathered enough courage to strike up a conversation and going on about how that camera resembles some star trooper suit. And he totally couldn't keep his eyes off it. I saw him sneaking glances at it! So FUNNEH.

After the walk, had Koi (after 1 cup by myself, it's really not all that awesome), naan and washed my car (like finally).

Most productive Saturday I had in a while.

Not really much point to this post. Just FMI in case I get dementia someday.

is ignorance bliss?

2010-06-04T14:37:00.002+08:00

When people make decisions for me, regarding me or about me,
without even involving me,
are they assuming they know me better than me?

If not,
why don't they just leave the decision making to me?

And I am not talking about utter isolation where people can NEVER ever tell me what to do, after all, I am certainly not going to make the best decision all the time or even most of the time.

Some people may never get it (I know of at least one who probably never will), but just like how my way is never going to always be the best or the right way, neither is any single person's way going to be.

Inaction or failure to communicate for the sake of avoiding conflicts or simply because "I (and only I) think it is for the best" is rarely ever the best option.

Even when I disagree with you, it does not mean I did not listen or did not care.

Ignorance is rarely bliss because it is too hard to be ignorant to the extent where happiness can be reached.

Or maybe, just maybe, the decisions made "for" me, were only ever just a facade.

Note to self: refrain from doing this to others.

ramblings (take it with a pinch of salt, several pinches if necessary)

2010-06-01T09:42:00.011+08:00

I believe in god.

Or more accurately, not in any particular god, but rather, the presence of a higher being(s).

Maybe it stems from the very human desire of wanting to have control, to feel in control. Believing that there are no gods would be to admit that there is no purpose to our lives, that things are in utter and complete chaos.

And most of us can't deal with that.

But my belief doesn't exactly comes from something religious like faith.

Ultimately, I believe mostly in karma and luck. And I therefore rationally (which more often than not, isn't a typical characteristic of religions) conclude that a higher being must be somewhere out there, somehow keeping track of these things (to keep track of karma at least. Luck is just.. luck).

I do not belive in being blessed, I believe in getting what you give.

I don't believe in someone having a plan for you, I believe a plan is what you make for yourself.

I believe in a higher being, but I don't believe in having blind faith.

I believe He/She may be in my life, but He/She is not my life.

Sure, it's nice having someone who's there, but that's what friends and family are for.

Sure, it's even nicer having someone who's ALWAYS there, but are we just creating an image to make ourselves feel better? Afterall, children grow up with imaginary friends. Are gods the equivalent for adults?

Humans are creatures of contradiction. We are all imperfect while supposedly, these gods of ours are not. And when people look to religion to justify their actions or do things in the name of religion, we run the risk of appearing completely hypocritical.

If we behave in certain ways because of religion, and ignore others when it is convenient, then what do we get?

A different religion and belief for each and everyone.

And who is right?

At the end of the day, religion becomes just another dilemma we face in our everyday life.

And since I believe the world operate by karma and luck, good things happen to people with good karma or good luck while bad things happen to people with bad karma or luck.

We can do all we can to accumulate karma, but sometimes our luck just sucks. And that's just too bad.

It's easier to live knowing that disasters like earthquakes happen to people because of luck rather than believing that god planned for it. As a test.

Test of what exactly? Human will? Human spirit?

And who gets tested exactly? The mother who lost her child? Or the man who will never walk again?

I guess it is comforting for the individual to think of his own situation as a test. It is probably much easier to people to push on thinking that there is a reason for shit happening, a reason other than just the simple fact that, shit happens.

But how that is comforting puzzles me. How am I supposed to feel good that my god is giving me crap just to test me? It just seems a little sadistic to me.

Maybe it is the whole mould-your-character thing. But what about those who cannot take the moulding? And commit suicide? From what I know, in certain religions, people who take their own lives go to hell. Now what? Certain people go through shit, fail to survive and go to hell. Others are blessed with a good life, survive very well and go to heaven. Fair?

But truth be told, I have nothing against any religion. My problem lies not with religions but with the followers.

If a particular religion can exist, I cannot comprehend how some can deny the existence of any other religion.

Slamming other religions to promote one's own is no different from trying to prove that something is right by proving any other alternative is wrong - a method which is flawed and in no way accurate.

I believe that religions should first and foremost, promote the doing of good things, rather than promote the belief in their religion.

Is that really an utterly urgent mission, to prove that mine is better than yours and that only one god exist?

To kill someone who has "strayed" from his/her religion, is that acceptable?

If religions call for love and peace and acceptance to all, why do religions end up dividing people?

Why must it be yours against mine rather than yours AND mine?

If there are so many grey areas in this world, why do religions have to be absolute?

The signs that firm believers see, the signs from god, the calling, how much of it is pure coincidence, how much of it is just our own mind making up what we want to see?

If everytime we met with something which we cannot explain, something in which no logic or reason can provide an answer and we tell ourselves that it's in god's plans and that we need to have faith, is it really any different from believing in karma and luck and that things are bound to happen in ways we may never comprehend?

It may seem contradictory for me to claim to believe in a higher being and yet sound like an atheist. But at this point in time, I'm probably a theist. I believe in karma and luck because there are no rules and boundaries involve which will dictate the way I live my life which goes beyond logic and rationality. The higher being(s) I believe in does not plan my destiny nor put me through trials. Religions disturb me when they make people do things which may not always make the most sense. And when asked to justify their actions, we are often greeted with the all too familiar "god has plans" and "we need to have faith". Quick retreats to shield themselves from the onslaught of rationality and well, sense.

I long for the day where people can discuss about beliefs instead of slam religions and that people can see that we are really not that different from one another.

We all look to religion for a largely common purpose, simply because it makes us feel better.

May 2010 (Part 3)

2010-05-31T22:04:00.005+08:00

29 May

Meet the strangest cleaning lady today.

I was happily eating popeye's and JUST finished my chicken when this cleaning lady rushes out of nowhere and starts to pick up the rubbish on the table (i.e. chilli packets etc) profusely.

This was sort of random and I was thinking "ehhhhh.... I'm still eating... why so gan jiong" But since she so enthusiastic about it, I picked up the serviettes and dumped it into the plate thingy that the chicken came in. She then picked out the serviettes, left the plate and walked away.

??

So we resumed eating. And I reaslised she apparently went straight back to the staff area.

Which means..

She came out of the staff area, rushed to our table (which was furthest away from the staff area), cleared our table when we were not exactly near done, ignored every other table which needs cleaning, and returned to the room.

Weird.

After a couple of minutes, she apparently changed her mind and realised I meant for her to remove the plate. So she appeared suddely again, took my plate, wiped the table at random spots, tsk-tsk-ed and walked away. But not before waving some unused serviettes in our faces, gesturing to ask if we still wanted them. We did and she put them down.

?!?

Soon, she came back again and proceed to take the serviettes away.

Some people are really strange. But I was highly amused.

Sidenote:Popeye's chicken is starting to become like KFC's )':

May 2010 (Part 2)

2010-05-28T17:01:00.002+08:00

25 May
Caught Shrek with HY. I used to avoid catching cartoons in cinemas (along with local productions... like waste money MA) but nowadays cartoons are getting better and better! And Shrek has always been a favourite of mine. <3 it. I remember writing about how Kungfu Panda had ha-ha moments for kids and for adults, and for Shrek I guess it mostly ha-ha for adults. There were more spoofs in this final (?) installation and I just love the ridiculous-ness of it all.

"Why is it that the only person who can't see what you have is you?" - Fiona to Shrek

Maybe sometimes it's not about having what you love, but loving what you have.

*serious moment*

Moving on!

27 May
Visited the Cascadia and Waterbank showflats. Amazing please. Time to find a wealthy husband.

I am seriously considering a job in model sculpturing (if that's the term for it). You know those models you see in showrooms, a miniature version of the actual houses and stuff? YES, I want to make those.

FINALLLLLYYYYYY caught Ironman 2 with Yan. People at this point in time have either caught it or didn't and yet somehow utterly convinced it's not good cause "my friends say one". Maybe my expectations naturally got lowered or I just have a weakness for certain charismatic leading men (ruggard, often 40-ish, wicked sense of humour) but it wasn't all that bad! Sure, some (read: final) fight scenes were ~~blink~~ blast-and-it's over but hey, the movie had enough fight scenes so culmulatively, it's not that bad.

My co-workers are seriously starting to get on my nerves. *chants to self* "Do not discriminate childish people... Do not discriminate childish people..."

Sidenote: My horse riding dreams are galloping away. The next free slots are in Dec ))):

it's the climb

2010-05-23T13:23:00.003+08:00

Completed my first vertical marathon with yan!

No idea how long I took.
But I do feel a sense of accomplishment.
Now I know why people keep joining marathons.
I think I am getting addicted.

Shall aim to be like that super uber fit and scary looking group of women right behind us.
Overtook us in about 10 storeys =S

I <3 the finisher medal.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs

May 2010

2010-05-22T21:13:00.007+08:00

Note to self: I should really jot down my life more often.

30 April
Exams ended!
Rotted at NTU forever and cleared a million emails in the process.
Ate cheesy pizza with HY until we literally almost exploded.

1-5 May
Recce trip to Laos immediately after exams.
Realised Ivy is probably one of the few rare people who sees the world in a way very similar to me.
Found some potential sites for YEP.
But sometimes, I do feel so small, and everything I do seem so little.
And things are never, ever going to be in our control.
Met an American, Scott, who made for an engaging morning chat. Kind of interesting to start chatting to random people. Now and then, I feel like doing that more often but never really know how to get about doing that (like how do you find a conversation starter? What if the person stares at your strangely? What if you run out of things to say???).
On a sidenote, I don't understand those ang moh who go overseas, then hide in an ang moh-ish cafe and start surfing facebook. HELLO? You travelled those miles to surf facebook? Nice.
And I realised that some guys probably will never become the men they ought to be.

5-9 May
Holiday to Hanoi, Vietnam.
I seriously had no idea where we were going and what we were going to do there. Probably the second time I travelled this way (first was to Bintan).
Went to Halong Bay on a small cruise and hiked some mountain (or maybe its a hill). Wandered the streets at night and managed to visit a night market. Cheap food! The roads are crazily flooded with bikes. It's like a dirt bike race!
Met some interesting people on the trip. An Aussie couple, a bunch of typical ang moh teenagers (though Kishan didn't seem too bad to talk to), a cute Spanish couple and some others in between.
Found that places like Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam are starting to look the same to me. They are blurring into one and it makes me sad.

10 May
Internship starts. At Investor Relations and Research with an NTU year 2 Biz intern, Cherie.
Our buddies treated us to lunch. My first lunch at work is much less sadder than my previous year's.
First meeting for BCA compeition. We branded ourselves as Green Wednesday. Dinner-ed at NYDC and everyone manage to get along (I think).

12 May
Caught a glimpse of the date on the MRT screen and got a dreaded reminder. Couldn't get the date and what it ~~means~~ meant out of my head the ENTIRE day. Meet up with MY for a dinner at Cafe Cartel and almost exploded from the food again. But that didn't stop us from attemting to get more bread all the time.

14 May
Went for Bloomberg course. It's amazing. EVERYTHING can be found. I know. I've tried searching for Johnny Depp (AND IT WORKS) *blushes*

15 May
Finally met up with SSR during the hols. Don't know why we can be friends for so long but only ever meet each other in school. And if not in school, then it's to study. Sound so hardworking. Haha. Maybe we're just sick of each other already.
Lunched at (New York)^2 where SSR happily left me to drown in the HUGE ass toast.
Went to arcade to shoot monsters, throw balls (tragic FAIL), spot the differences and shoot dinosaurs and then more monsters. Arms got horribly tired. I can't imagine how I used to play these as a kid. I must have had some freaking strong arms last time. Exchanged the coupons from tragic FAIL game for primary school cuttlefish which is still rotting on my dining table.
<3 SSR for her chocolates. (SSR: and I finally found some games I am not cui compared to you =D)

16-17 May
Spent an entire day building a S bridge out of some cui wood in school. On a Sunday. Read: NO life. One whole day of glue sniffing, no lunching, late dinner-ing and MISSED the SJ prawning! And NO, our bridge CMI.
But I did get a day off (((:

18 May
Ironman 2-outing-turned-dinner-at-Soup Spoon with Janice. Note to self: EAT LESS.
Talked rubbish and stoned. Work is making me dull. I find 9pm++ so late and just can't wait to go home and sleep.
At some point in time, I feel interrogated by her. I wonder if I do that to people =S

19 May
Green Wednesday 2! People are suaning each other already :)

HPs are always forgotten when they are needed most.
Without my phone, I suddenly am aware of how much people depend on that little gadget. And how much time they spent clicking away on it.
What's the point of "staying connected" when people cannot even connect with the people right beside them anymore?
I heard in France, it's considered rude to use your phone when you have company (I don't know if that still applies today..). I kinda wish such social norm exist in S'pore.
Checking emails overseas, playing games all day long, what happened to the here and now? What's the point of being with someone when you're not actually BEING with that someone?

Decided that a man should not be defined by his age. I believed I just met a 30 year old boy.

21 May
TGIF! Caught the Axis of Awesome with Yan. It was ... AWESOME. A small scale event and it's a refreshing change to the big ass concerts in big ass halls where you can barely see the person you're there for. Had my first autograph signing thanks to my bro (who also made me buy the cd).
We were queuing behind a huge group of young adults who were excitedly taking photos and autographs. But it seemed more like a "fun thing to do" for them, rather than actually wanting those autographs. Somehow I felt like they have forgotten that this band is made up of people too. They were laughing, joking, taking pictures, getting autographs and then leaving. No words to the band, no appreciation, no praise.
"Great show, guys" was all that was needed to get eye contact and smiles from all 3.
They are awesome, but sometimes, people forget they are human too.

22 May
Woke up at 11am for a 12pm outing. Ate at HK Cafe and finally found something nice from their menu =X
PS: Their mango dessert is hypothermia inducing.
As we get older, outings become increasingly simple.
It used to be hours of brainwrecking to find an activity to do.
But now, a meal is enough.
Good company is what we should wreck our brains for.

Random thought:
Out of the million of poeple rushing to work each day, how many actually look forward to reaching their destination?
And if everyone decides to only do what they love, will the world as we know it cease to exist?

more to do

2010-05-01T00:09:00.004+08:00

11. Put something down.
12. Explore Saturday dining options.
13. Get off the virtual world and live in the real.

(updated) TO DO FOR THE SUMMER

2010-04-28T15:20:00.004+08:00

try dragon boating! (:
get a one star kayaking cert
dabble in photography/photoshop
do internship (hmm)
win BCA competition!
~~win S bridge competition!~~
complete vertical marathon (i need to train....!)
plan YEP
go have fun, I mean, go for an industrial visit in Taiwan
catch up with people (yes you, you and you)

*no order of preference (:

that's a really long list. but I probably will still add to it when I think of something...

PS: I need buddies for these things!

2010-04-19T17:07:00.001+08:00

Whoa-oh, what are you waiting for? by ♥αlex αcαdiα :) i<3you². on Polyvore.com

2010-04-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

<3 <3 <3

This post is for shurong.

who cant find my tagboard

<------ click on "all this time" above "ineedahug")

PS: anw, i cant remb why i'm supposed to dedicate this post to you ssr. hahhah. so pls leave the answer in the tagboard. (then i know whether you can find it) mwahahhah.

2010-04-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

I feel stifled.

Drowning in my own thoughts.

How do you escape from yourself?

contradictory

2010-04-07T10:45:00.002+08:00

I hate people piling expectations on me.
But I hate it when people don't live up to my expectations.

I hate being calculative and seeing people being calculative.
But sometimes I feel people should be treated only in ways they deserved to be.

I hate feeling anger and resentment towards someone.
But I hate that forgiveness may just make that someone feel better.

I hate how the world is.
And I hate how I am becoming just like the world.

I am (semi) shifting

2010-04-05T19:43:00.001+08:00

Tumblr is awesome.

http://wordsweneversay.tumblr.com/

Blogger is going to get real neglected...

what's in your backpack?

2010-03-26T09:12:00.002+08:00

We weren't meant for forever.

But thank you for the memories.

I'm on my way. And the backpack is light.

2010-03-24T19:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, things just cannot be rationalised.
You can try.
But you will fail.
You can try to fix it.
But what you really need to do,
is to let go.

And life goes on.

lies only mask your lack of guts

2010-02-27T13:36:00.003+08:00

Say what you mean,
and mean what you say.

Or don't bother.

Don't ever make me feel stupid,
for believing in your lies.

everybody lies

2010-02-27T13:15:00.001+08:00

What if the person you know now,
is no longer the person you knew then?

What if the only person who has changed,
is you?

One person can change the way you look at the world. Thanks for screwing up mine.

2010-02-27T00:06:00.003+08:00

The moment I stopped loving you,
was also the moment I realised how much I dislike you.

I'm really sorry I feel this way.
I'm sorry I feel anything at all.

These apologies are for me.
And me alone.

It's sad when you realised it's your heart you can't trust.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2010-02-22T22:40:00.001+08:00

If you had a choice,
will you choose to forget everything?

If you have forgotten everything,
will you just do it all over again?

Doing something you'll end up wanting to forget.
Again.

Who are we without our memories?

framing

2010-02-12T21:47:00.004+08:00

Just caught Revolutionary Road.

And I realised something.

Those "awwww... so sweet" movies we are such suckers for? Where love conquers all?

Their triumph lies in capturing that crucial moment.

The moment where you fall in love.

That magical moment.

And from then on, apparently everything goes to hell.

That's the part they missed.

A rather depressing post pre V-day. Sorry.

2010-02-11T21:46:00.002+08:00

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Without You - Hinder

After hearing their stories, I think I will really be alright.

thoughts in the wind

2010-02-10T10:14:00.005+08:00

These thoughts in the wind,

are the cause of a-ha moments,

the cause of it-just-slipped-my-mind moments,

the cause of I-just-remembered-something-random moments,

and the cause of warm fuzzy feelings.

Because somehow, somewhere,

the right words managed to reach you at the right time.

Even if the words never left the lips of the person who matters.

If you don't hear what's in my mind, how would you know who I am?
I don't think I know you at all.
For you never told me what's in your mind.

2010-02-09T22:33:00.001+08:00

Have you ever stopped to think

What happen to the things we do not say

The thoughts that we brush away

The words that flitter across our minds

Do they dissolve into the air

Brought away by the wind

Before gently easing into the thoughts of others

Isn’t it comforting

To imagine

That somehow, somewhere, at the right moment

The right people will hear exactly what we wanted to say

Even if the words never left our lips

Thoughts swarming in my head.
Sometimes I wish words could capture what I want to say.
Before they all fade away.

2010-02-09T18:33:00.013+08:00

As I was cruising (okay more like inching) along the jams invested roads this morning, I suddenly thought of something I read on someone's blog.

"Just when i thought the older one is,
the more independent one should be.
It isn't for my case."

As V-day approaches, more and more people are feeling the crashing waves of loneliness, the invisible shackles of single-hood, the howling winds of despair.

I can't deny I feel this way now and then.

And I thought of why little boys and girls find each other so icky, but as they age, these boys and girls turn into men and women, both searching, craving for their other halves.

This search may be for "love", to find someone with whom life takes on a greater meaning.

And this makes people in love seem weak. After all, for someone independent and wholesome, why would we need someone else to make us feel complete?

People are thus ashamed to acknowledge that they need love, they need a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a soulmate.

And it suddenly dawn on me that it's not a sign of weakness. It's just survival instinct.

In the world of little boys and girls:

Friends = People who truly like us
Problems = Non-existent, hardly harmful to well-being

Friends > Problems to whine to friends about

=> Who needs boyfriends or girlfriends?

In the world of big boys and girls:

Friends = People who like us and people who pretend to like us
Problems = Come by the shitload, pretty much harmful to well-being

Friends < Problems to whine to friends about

=> We realise people can't be there for us all the time. They have their own problems. And we have ours.

We start longing for someone. Someone who is there all the time. Someone who cares. Someone who wipes away your tears and tell you everything is going to be okay.

People in love are not weak. Neither are people looking and longing for love.

They are just searching for someone.

Someone who not just look, but also see.
Someone who not just eat but also taste.
Someone who not just sniff but also smell.
Someone who not just listen but also hear.
Someone who not just touch but also feel.
Someone who not just live but also love.

But the thing is ,
that someone doesn't have to be a lover.

Friends can do it too.

And I can do that for you. (:

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

2010-01-26T18:30:00.004+08:00

A stranger stabs you in the front,
a boyfriend stabs you in the heart;
a bitch stabs you in the back.

But best friends only poke each other with straws.

2010-01-24T23:51:00.002+08:00

What really matters most in the end is...

how well you have lived
how well you have loved
and how well you have learnt to let go.

Let go of yesterday, don't think about tomorrow and live for the day.

2010-01-17T18:14:00.001+08:00

I wonder why we still crave for things so wrong for us.

According to You - Orianthi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJSr5mncB-8

2010-01-16T10:45:00.000+08:00

Grief may be a thing we all have in common,
but it looks different on everyone.
It isn't just death we have to grieve.

It's life.
It's loss.
It's change.

And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes,
has to hurt so bad.
The thing we got to try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
That's how you stay alive.
When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.
By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly,
you won't feel this way.
It won't hurt this much.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.
The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
And let it go when we can.

The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it,
it starts all over again.
And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

There are five stages of grief.
They look different on all of us, but there are always five.

Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.

-Grey's Anatomy

one week

2010-01-14T21:21:00.004+08:00

You know how they say that you never realise how good something is until you lose it?

I think they forgot something.

You never realise bad something is until you lose it too.

Then you realised how blind you were.

How much time and effort you wasted.

And you wonder why you even bothered.

I didn't realise being too good was a crime.

Cry Me Out - Pixie Lott
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnUxeZvNwnM

resolutions

2010-01-09T23:07:00.003+08:00

I don't think new year resolutions actually work (my friend just told me she accomplished 2 out of her 17 resolutions for 2009), but I still kinda feel like setting a goal of sorts so here goes...

Spend more time with the people that matter
Be a nicer person (exception given to no.3)
If someone pisses me off (this is really written for 1 person in particular), I am not going to be all nice about it
Join a vertical marathon
Plan a kick ass YEP
Get all As (haha)
Give 100% in all projects (which helps no. 6)
Get kayaking 1 star

I thought the list will be longer but that's all for now.

I think the year's going to be great. (:

2009-12-31T23:58:00.004+08:00

Happy 2010!

Thanks for a memorable last night of 2009.

I don't really need a lot.

Can finally sleep now (was just waiting for 2010 to arrive, quite sad to spend it asleep)

Later~

2009-11-27T21:43:00.001+08:00

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old,
of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9.. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry..
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do..
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

No idea why is there only 44... But its still uplifting (:

2009-11-15T12:06:00.001+08:00

Saw this on someone's blog:

-----
Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever.
This will teach you who your true friends are,
and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect.
You will learn that no one is perfect,
and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you.
This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that,
you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt,
and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all,
you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined,
it is different to each person that experiences it.

And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth,
knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.
-----

Who I am and who I want to be.

say what?

2009-11-13T21:09:00.006+08:00

Communication is a funny thing.
We never say the things we mean to.
And we sometimes dont mean the things we say.
And then there are the times where we mean what we say,
and yet people dont know what we mean.

And communicating upset feelings is the worst of it all.
I never imagined myself to be a person that sucks at communication.
I mean, we do it all the time right?
We girls talk and talk and talk.
And I am pretty sure people get what I am trying to say most of the time.

But I never had to really talk about being upset.
Whining and bitching and complaining aside,
ever tried talking about something that bugs you, to the person that bugged you?

It's freaking hard.

There's the pain that comes from what has been done.
There's the confusion that comes from how this person can be so different from you.
There's the anger that comes from wondering why the person did it.
And then there's the pride of not wanting to admit how something or someone can get to you so much.

And I can't deal with all these emotions and try to communicate them at the same time.

So I linger between being hostile and simply not saying anything at all.

Both of which don't really get me anything or anywhere.

Except more upset feelings and the cycle continues.

So weary.

battlefield

2009-10-16T00:10:00.000+08:00

I guess no one wins in a war.

2009-09-27T17:25:00.001+08:00

Touch My Hand - David Archuleta

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THgvYQV6QPQ

2009-09-25T23:43:00.001+08:00

2009-09-20T10:52:00.002+08:00

After a thoroughly crazy week (read: arguments, wheel clamp (!), to be due tutorials, project, presentation, lab reports...) which hasnt been going all that well, I am glad Friday ended nicely and the recess week is here!

(ssr, we should totally stop bitching... cause karma seemed to have caught up with us these last few days... hahah)

Though I am not too crazy about the recess week once I drew up a list of what I have to do. The number of mid terms I have reduced steadily from 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 (!) but happiness is sooo shortlived (as usual).

I need to get everything done. Shall start now (shitty mr procrastination please go away)

It's crazy how one person can mess around with your mood so much, but I guess you're right. The person who upsets you the most is also the person you care about the most.

But how can I stop caring?

Smile - Uncle Kracker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB1UJsutvkc